craig180
11th January 2008, 14:10
Pretty sure this isn't a repost but if it is please feel free to delete if it is:
Was looking through some of my older emails today and came across this:
> >REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
> >
> >The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
> >building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
> >winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
> >plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well
> >fed.
> >
> >The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
> >the cold.
> >
> >THE END
> >
> >
> >THE BRITISH VERSION:
> >
> >The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
> >building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
> >grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
> >summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
> >
> >A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
> >conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to
> >be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
> >grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live
> >coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the
> >squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
> >
> >The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
> >country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
> >while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights
> >and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the
> >squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special
> >from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural
> >choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an
> >interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off
> >the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the
> >squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge
> >for squirrels to enter inner London.
> >
> >In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
> >Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive
> >to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel' s taxes are reassessed.
> >He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
> >builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
> >for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to
> >work.
> >
> >The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
> >furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
> >socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to
> >the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
> >
> >Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
> >imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
> >building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and
> >utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
> >hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country
> >of origin with mice. On arrival they have tried to blow up the
> >airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
> >
> >The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
> >and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police
> >fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves
> >to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it
> >was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and
> >start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
> >
> >A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
> >squirrels's food, though Spring is still months away, while the
> >council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
> >bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
> >Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug
> >'illness'.
> >
> >The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
> >since arrival in UK.
> >
> >The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
> >burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
> >released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
> >He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
> >supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
> >botched robbery.
> >
> >A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
> >state the obvious, is set up.
> >
> >Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
> >grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
> >increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
> >enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised
> >by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
> >
> >The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
> >press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the
> >root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
> >experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.
> >
> >The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
> >infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice
> >in the United Kingdom.
> >
> >The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
> >the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
> >their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay
> >for law and order and they are told that they will have to work
> >beyond
> >65 because of a shortfall in
> >government funds.
> >
> >THE END
How true?
Was looking through some of my older emails today and came across this:
> >REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
> >
> >The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
> >building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the
> >winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and
> >plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well
> >fed.
> >
> >The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in
> >the cold.
> >
> >THE END
> >
> >
> >THE BRITISH VERSION:
> >
> >The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long,
> >building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The
> >grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the
> >summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
> >
> >A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press
> >conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to
> >be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the
> >grasshopper, are cold and starving. The BBC shows up to provide live
> >coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the
> >squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
> >
> >The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a
> >country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so
> >while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights
> >and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the
> >squirrel's house. The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special
> >from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural
> >choir singing "We Shall Overcome". Ken Livingstone rants in an
> >interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off
> >the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the
> >squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge
> >for squirrels to enter inner London.
> >
> >In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the
> >Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive
> >to the beginning of the summer. The squirrel' s taxes are reassessed.
> >He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as
> >builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine
> >for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to
> >work.
> >
> >The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to
> >furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be
> >socially mobile. The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to
> >the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper.
> >
> >Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly
> >imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start
> >building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and
> >utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had
> >hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country
> >of origin with mice. On arrival they have tried to blow up the
> >airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
> >
> >The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking
> >and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police
> >fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves
> >to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it
> >was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and
> >start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.
> >
> >A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
> >squirrels's food, though Spring is still months away, while the
> >council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't
> >bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs.
> >Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug
> >'illness'.
> >
> >The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment
> >since arrival in UK.
> >
> >The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a
> >burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but
> >released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks.
> >He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and
> >supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a
> >botched robbery.
> >
> >A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and
> >state the obvious, is set up.
> >
> >Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
> >grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is
> >increased. The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for
> >enriching Britain's multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised
> >by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
> >
> >The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the
> >press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the
> >root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic
> >experience of prison. They call for the resignation of a minister.
> >
> >The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were
> >infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice
> >in the United Kingdom.
> >
> >The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing,
> >the burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on
> >their credit cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay
> >for law and order and they are told that they will have to work
> >beyond
> >65 because of a shortfall in
> >government funds.
> >
> >THE END
How true?