Funny texts?

[Darlo-paul]

I've been getting a few funny texts lately e.g.
Hey im sorry if my phone keeps calling you... Dam people can't drive in the snow... Myphone is voice activated and everything I yell 'f*cking retard* it dials your number.

Anyone got any texts I can send back similar if not better than this? :y:

[Munzz]

I've been getting a few funny texts lately e.g.
Hey im sorry if my phone keeps calling you... Dam people can't drive in the snow... Myphone is voice activated and everything I yell 'f*cking retard* it dials your number.

Anyone got any texts I can send back similar if not better than this? :y:

You what?!

[shawy]

ive just got this one
Do you think adebayor ran full length of the bus to celebrate in front of the gunners?...

[Shadowdemon]

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of yourself and send me it, i'm playin cards and i'm missing the joker !!

[Darlo-paul]

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of yourself and send me it, i'm playin cards and i'm missing the joker !!

haha :) i've had the one before made me chuckle.

[grebidge]

quality

[Mochachino]

I get loads of joeks sent to me, heres a few. You might smile at some of them...

Passengers trapped on the broken down eurostar trains have been speakin of their anger. one was quoted as sayin "ive been hangin underneath the back of this lorry now for 16 fucking hours!"

An Irish family have been found frozen to death ouside the dublin odean cinema. They had been queuing for 3 weeks to see "closed for winter"

Family of prostitues having dinner. Daughter says "i got £50 for giving a blowjob!"
Mum says: "it was £5 in my day"
Gran says: "During the war, we were jus glad of the warm drink"

Ive just found out, i can have wild atheletic sex at 51, its great cos i only live at 29 so its not far to walk home after..

What a waste, ive jus spent £11.99 on a xmas DVD....."tiger woods, my 18 favourite holes" turns out its about fkin golf!

:::. ::... ..: . :.: .. ..: :. ::... . . :.: ....: :. :: Merry Christmas, from Stevie Wonder

[callum_tompkins]

girls at parties are like car park spaces. turn up late and all the good ones are go, but when nobodys looking you can slip it in the disabled one !

[Carlvtr88]

Q: How long is a football match ? .... A: 96 minutes according to Alex Ferguson lol

[Tom_Crx]

:::. ::... ..: . :.: .. ..: :. ::... . . :.: ....: :. :: Merry Christmas, from Stevie Wonder

Love it

[adam_baker]

I've been getting a few funny texts lately e.g.
Hey im sorry if my phone keeps calling you... Dam people can't drive in the snow... Myphone is voice activated and everything I yell 'f*cking retard* it dials your number.

Anyone got any texts I can send back similar if not better than this? :y:

had this one yesterday, my dad sent it me :(

[Spyro_UK]

Do you think adebayor ran full length of the bus to celebrate in front of the gunners?...

Amazing. had to forward it to a few of my Gooner mates.

[My4tt91]

Driving in the snow is like eating pussy...if you don't slow down and pay attention you could slide into the arsehole in front of you!

[sax-dan]

some of these are quality! keep them coming dudes.

[Mr_P]

I could be here all day.... lol


There was once a man called Hawking,
Who got very bored of walking,
He got on a scooter,
Attached a computer,
And now it does all of his talking!

Have you ever noticed it's only "perfect" people who get murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"he was the perfect Son." or "She was the perfect Daughter."
"Such a tragic accident, they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple until the end."

Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.




The rest would probably insult the nanny state too much.lolz

[My4tt91]

just entered the word dick into the sat nav just to see what would happen....put the kettle on mate i'm outside yours!

[Dom]

This months AS/A2 (ALevel) Examinations have been postponed until the summer, this is due to the adverse weather conditions in the past few weeks, for more information please go to: www.StopDreamingAndStartRevisingYouCunt.com

[Lucas_LFC]

This months AS/A2 (ALevel) Examinations have been postponed until the summer, this is due to the adverse weather conditions in the past few weeks, for more information please go to: www.StopDreamingAndStartRevisingYouCunt.com

just sent that one to the woman, except i didnt say cunt....i used slut instead lol

[Carlvtr88]

just entered the word dick into the sat nav just to see what would happen....put the kettle on mate i'm outside yours!

that made me LOL

[Chloeex]

Haha i got sent the voice activated one. Got sent these the other day aswell..

In 2010 the UK government will start shipping retards away. My eyes watered when i thought of losing you. Love you, Be Strong. Take your crayons.

R u ok? Phone me ASAP. I just saw the special needs bus flip over in the snow & i know you dont like wearing your seatbelt because it stops you licking the windows

[Darlo-paul]

Haha i got sent the voice activated one. Got sent these the other day aswell..

In 2010 the UK government will start shipping retards away. My eyes watered when i thought of losing you. Love you, Be Strong. Take your crayons.

R u ok? Phone me ASAP. I just saw the special needs bus flip over in the snow & i know you dont like wearing your seatbelt because it stops you licking the windows

exactly the kinda stuff I was looking for

[TomMartin]

2 men at the airport - one turns to the other and says "I can't find my wife". The second says "I can't find mine either - what's yours look like"

First one says "6ft tall, big tits, blonde hair and wearing a miniskirt, stockings and tube top - what about yours?"

Second man stares in amazement - "Fu*k her, we'll look for yours!!"

[savo]

Got this one a while ago.



Today is international disadvantaged people's day. Please send an encouraging message to a retarded friend, just as I've done. I don't care if you lick windows, interfere with farm animals or occasionally shit yourself…..you hang in there sunshine, you're fucking special.

[sam2kk8]

A survey recently revealed that most women want a man who's handsome, has broad shoulders, ripped pecs, a flat stomach, and a nice arse.

However, a simultaneous survey revealed that almost all of the men matching those criteria also want a man who's handsome, has broad shoulders, ripped pecs, a flat stomach, and a nice arse.

[sam2kk8]

When it comes to driving, anybody going slower than me is an idiot, and anyone going faster than me is a cunt.

legendery 1 :D