Night Out - What job do you say you do when you talk to girls?

[logic_guy]

Me and a mate are going to Pompey this Easter Weekend for 2 nights.

Its ultimately a pulling weekend of slags. We're having a bit of banter and he said if he talks to a girl, his going to say his a Next Model/ Club Promoter called Ben. I said i'm a Self Employed Carpenter with 12 skivvys working for me on a big contract in London and i'm down here because i need some time off work.

Have you guys got any idea's of anything else we can use? Awaits stupid comments

[Jay_]

GET iN MY VAN

[blackie_2k5]

and your looking to pull?

[MiniGibbo]

I'd not be a bellend and just tell them they're beautiful... Instant wet pants.

[Prickle]

Just smack them over the head and do as you please.. or find them in the back allys taking a wee wrestle them down then tell them to clean themselfs up after.

Which ever works for you tbh..

[TomT]

Sluts don't care where you work.

Just spit some game and tap dat ass

[Jay_]

or spin your wheels / handbrake turn, get some pop & bangs. clothes fall off. instantly

[lee_saxo]

I say I'm an underwater fire fighter usually

[Prickle]

or spin your wheels / handbrake turn, get some pop & bangs. clothes fall off. instantly

That didnt work for you so you got a van. Wise move imo..

[blackie_2k5]

i generally say..."excuse me love, do you mind telling me what this hanky smells of?, my mate says strawberry but im not sure"

*hiding chloroform behind back

[Saxologist]

i generally say..."excuse me love, do you mind telling me what this hanky smells of?, my mate says strawberry but im not sure"

*hiding chloroform behind back


I think OP was looking for something less 'Rapey'

[TomT]

I think OP was looking for something less 'Rapey'

He could always offer them a lift home from maccies instead.

(That was you right? You offered a chick a lift home and her boyfriend wanted to beat you up etc?)

[MiniGibbo]

Did saxologist try to rape a kid from McDonald's :fcuk:

[blackie_2k5]

I think OP was looking for something less 'Rapey'

its only rape if shes says no!!...shes smells my hanky..thats an inivitation to take what i want and leave the rest for the cleaners... one sniff..lights go out..no one had the chance to refuse

:drink:

[Yates]

Tell them you are in navy. Pompey birds get wet at the sound of a sailor

[logic_guy]

Maybe someone should highlight the first post... Seems i was correct :-/

I could be a World renowned Roulette Player who shifts his cash in the Casino's of Manchester and travels to Vegas monthly to gamble his winnings.

[logic_guy]

I think OP was looking for something less 'Rapey'

*Cough* Becky

[TomT]

Maybe someone should highlight the first post... Seems i was correct :-/

I could be a World renowned Roulette Player who shifts his cash in the Casino's of Manchester and travels to Vegas monthly to gamble his winnings.

Tbf I didn't bother reading it.

[Saxologist]

He could always offer them a lift home from maccies instead.

(That was you right? You offered a chick a lift home and her boyfriend wanted to beat you up etc?)

Yep. Paranoid, jealous boyfriend ftl.

[TomT]

Yep. Paranoid, jealous boyfriend ftl.

Did he beat you up in the end or?

[lee_saxo]

Tell them you are in navy. Pompey birds get wet at the sound of a sailor

I've had many oozing and frothing at the gash

[blackie_2k5]

i just did what you asked tbf..

[manta]

Doctor ennit.

[Saxologist]

Did he beat you up in the end or?

Nope, havent heard from him since.

[TomT]

Probz waiting for the right moment.

[Saxologist]

Probz waiting for the right moment.

Possibly. Back on topic?

[FURI0]

Best thing to do walk over to a table of girls and say I just need the toilet can I leave my drink here, few seconds later mate walks over to the table as you've walked off, and says oh so u no so and so he plays football for x team. Works like a charm aha

[logic_guy]

Best thing to do walk over to a table of girls and say I just need the toilet can I leave my drink here, few seconds later mate walks over to the table as you've walked off, and says oh so u no so and so he plays football for x team. Works like a charm aha

Sounds like a WinRAR!

Why would we be sailors if we're staying in a bloody Travel lodge for 2 nights :/

[TomT]

Tell them you know Ben Mitchell.

[Jay_]

Sounds like a WinRAR!

Why would we be sailors if we're staying in a bloody Travel lodge for 2 nights :/

cos they are banging drunk schlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaags

[Tontsy]

look them dead in the eye and say "sit on my face"

now a bitch would get shitty with you...and you dont want a bitch.
a bird up for a laugh, will laugh and then let you put it in her fruit shooter!

[Dom]

Trainee Pilot for Monarch based at Luton ftw.

Always get the "Oo I like a man with intelligence" reply.

When it gets passed 2am and I have no luck, it gets desperate.. "Weheyyy its my 21st birthday, where's the birthday kiss?".. Kiss on the cheek or lips, whichever one.. My reply is "Is that all I get?".. Leads to more. Sad times.

[Gareth_R]

the story about the guy who nearly got punched by a girls boyfriend was waaaaay more interesting than some pish about chat up lines

Chatting up girls: If your line is 'i'm a carpenter' then you're doing it wrong, unless you're the intellectual type who's going for a Jesus reference. That would be cool, but most girls in clubs wont get it. Good for churches though

[UKtom]

if you're after underage girls with fake ID, portsmouth is the right place to be!
you been down here before?

[Ashleyp]

I'd not be a bellend and just tell them they're beautiful... Instant wet pants.

not when they see your hair cut...

[Saxologist]

if you're after underage girls with fake ID, portsmouth is the right place to be!
you been down here before?

Nope, recommend a few places?

[SaxoVTR2008]

Tell them you are in navy. Pompey birds get wet at the sound of a sailor

Don't matelot's lie and say their booties instead? :y:

[Heftydanielson]

look them dead in the eye and say "sit on my face"

now a bitch would get shitty with you...and you dont want a bitch.
a bird up for a laugh, will laugh and then let you put it in her fruit shooter!

I'm actually going to try this Saturday night. x)

[lee_saxo]

Don't matelot's lie and say their booties instead? :y:

Not really as they usually reply which what instrument do you play

If you cant pull in Portsmouth then you might as well go and shag Ben Mitchell

[UKtom]

Nope, recommend a few places?

depends what you're into.. 80's music, babylon is mint.. if youre looking to pull, even though it smells like cheesey feet, liquid everytime. Club 8 is alright for new-ish music, but if you go astray to Gunwharf Quays, Tiger Tiger is pretty awesome aswell :y:

[Nates-VTR]

I'm actually going to try this Saturday night. x)

You'd be surprised the positive reactions you get from that!

[Yates]

Sounds like a WinRAR!

Why would we be sailors if we're staying in a bloody Travel lodge for 2 nights :/

Sailors spend time on land you know

Don't matelot's lie and say their booties instead? :y:

are you a civvy?
why would who say that? Who wants to pretend they are thick as fuck?

[Heftydanielson]

You'd be surprised the positive reactions you get from that!

Where I go it'll probably work.

[logic_guy]

if you're after underage girls with fake ID, portsmouth is the right place to be!
you been down here before?
Yes, I have. We spent a good part of the evening in Roast Bar. How is Tiger Tiger? Herd its very expensive?



not when they see your hair cut... & Your Banana Car
Orfffff... Cracked me up

[Yates]

Tiger tiger is well expensive

[UKtom]

Tiger tiger is well expensive

agreed. £4.50 for a stella? :fcuk:

[JamesR]

A drug dealing, cage fighting, ex convict, bodybuilding, drug abusing, law breaking, extemely violent doorman with little / no respect for woman.

Woman love a bad boy. Or is that a bit ott?

[Gareth_R]

i know a few girls who would go for that tbh

[JamesR]

i know a few girls who would go for that tbh

Bet they're classy :cool:

[lee_saxo]

Gunwharf is for the upper class, or you can go down the Guild and mingle with the lower class and dregs of society

[Jay_]

just say you're a black guy. all black guys have bitches and hoes.

[simmo]

Im an offshore worker dragging icebergs out of northern shipping lanes lmaoooo

[logic_guy]

A drug dealing, cage fighting, ex convict, bodybuilding, drug abusing, law breaking, extemely violent doorman with little / no respect for woman.

Woman love a bad boy. Or is that a bit ott?

I might as well say i Was Raoul Moat?

[lee_saxo]

just say you're a black guy. all black guys have bitches and hoes.

lmao. Hi ladies I'm black and I'm called Winston

[Cam]

I might as well say i Was Raoul Moat?

I always thought you was in to boys...

[logic_guy]

Gunwharf is for the upper class, or you can go down the Guild and mingle with the lower class and dregs of society

Guildhall is where i went last time.

Full of fat lasses with their arse's hanging out and bauld cunts with Tattoos of Dragons and Swords on their forearms... Scary. Am i right in believing there is a Oceania near Guildhall?

[lee_saxo]

Guildhall is where i went last time.

Full of fat lasses with their arse's hanging out and bauld cunts with Tattoos of Dragons and Swords on their forearms... Scary. Am i right in believing there is a Oceania near Guildhall?

No there ain't one but there is a slutty titty bar right next to the Does he fuck bar

[joe333]

GET iN MY VAN

Ahaha +1 i got a tipper van the gash love it!:afro:

[Saxologist]

GET iN MY VAN

I can't park it though :s

[Ryan]

As im taking photos of them I cant really pretend im an atomic scientist.

[logic_guy]

So Lee... Quite simply, If you want Shlaggggs.. Where would you recommend? What makes the girls juices flow like Nigeria Falls?

The girls in Bedford ALWAYS play hard to get and either have their heads up their arse or think they should be in a swanky London Club. Its only Bedford/ Deadford ffs.

[JamesR]

I might as well say i Was Raoul Moat?

Woman go for badboys though, just walk upto them and grab her and go straight in for the tongue. Then just say "You're coming back to my room, you're decent you girl"

Then playfully get her in a headlock like the chavs did in my school and playfully drag her to your room, they seemed to like in back in highschool lol

[Gareth_R]

Bet they're classy :cool:

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb136/richardsgareth333/ha.jpg

[Gareth_R]

Woman go for badboys though, just walk upto them and grab her and go straight in for the tongue. Then just say "You're coming back to my room, you're decent you girl"

Then playfully get her in a headlock like the chavs did in my school and playfully drag her to your room, they seemed to like in back in highschool lol

then playfully stick your dick in her ass. We've all been there :homme:

[JamesR]

^ There was a girl from Essex in work the other monht! - She was from Essex and actually pretty fit, she would come down to the bar in a tight vest top and pyjamas when we'd closed and were having a few drinks and just walk around sucking a lollypop

Apparently she was fucking everyone for £50 a go in her room, also head that she had the three lads off the desk down in the gym in the showers haha

then playfully stick your dick in her ass. We've all been there :homme:

Start with a "accidental" finger to test the water, if she likes it then you grab her hair and call her a dirty bitch, if she doesn't like it you grab her hair anyway and say "tough shit"

[Gareth_R]

yeah there are alot of fit girls from essex, you just have to be careful as with some of them you need to wear about 4 condoms to prevent their fanny juice burning your nob off

[JamesR]

yeah there are alot of fit girls from essex, you just have to be careful as with some of them you need to wear about 4 condoms to prevent their fanny juice burning your nob off

hahahhahahhahahahaha! - Another of the rare moments I actually laugh out loud at something on Sax-P, congratulations :clapping:

[Gareth_R]

my work here is done....

[manta]

When I wanna get on a girl I show them this video of me.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHaCEwh6I1A&feature=BFa&list=LL-ChGSwdvv97c7AuA_HB5ng&lf=mh_lolz

[JamesR]

When I wanna get on a girl I show them this video of me.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UHaCEwh6I1A&feature=BFa&list=LL-ChGSwdvv97c7AuA_HB5ng&lf=mh_lolz

You and your mate sound so posh lol

[Prickle]

Chin raised at that video.

[Nates-VTR]

You and your mate sound so posh lol

Look posh too

[Saxotim]

'hi there my names tim dean i work at nestle im on 18 pound an hour and i want to take you to alton towers and ride the nemesis with you'

used that a few times, success rate 8/12.

[Carlvtr88]

Joking aside, I think the wise cracks make most people look stupid.
I rekon be yourself and maybe pay them a compliment or something that should do the trick.

If a girl thinks you're fit, you've already done half the job. If the first words out your mouth are, "was you're daddy a farmer, cause you sure know how to raise a cock "...... You've fucked it. lol.

[0rang3peel]

On a night out a girl isn't going to give a fucking shit if you work in mcdonalds or own lloyds tsb, Can't you just talk to females without making up some ridiculous elaborate story in a feeble attempt to make your cock bigger.

[Giraffe]

On a night out a girl isn't going to give a fucking shit if you work in mcdonalds or own lloyds tsb, Can't you just talk to females without making up some ridiculous elaborate story in a feeble attempt to make your cock bigger.

This is what I thought... Like do people seriously do these things? Go out with a "plan" all in an effort to try and pull girls?

Sounds so fucking nerdy and pathetic... If I ever found myself discussing a plan with my friends that involved me lying to a girl to try and chat her up, especially about my occupation, I'd hope I had a moment of clarity, an epiphany almost, and threw myself from the closest building tall enough to guarantee death.

Anyway, I was going to say more, but this thread just got worse and worse and I realised nothing I could say could possibly describe the level of cringe/fail/stupidity/bellendishbehaviour outlined...

[Dolly]

You and your mate sound so posh lol

Posh??? I thought the opposite!

[Dolly]

Also I just read all the comments and Oh my! Do you guys actually do that?
If you told a girl you were a dustbin man and she turned her nose up she's hardly worth sexy time is she? Tell her your a bank manager and she'll be all over you. Cos you really want a gold digger.

The best is be honest and have a laugh. You may get more than just one night geez!

[craig180]

I don't go out on the pull but if I end up talking to anyone and they ask me then I tell them the truth. I say I'm Simo's number one bitch on a Saxo chat forum working towards 30k posts. They soon drop their underwear and bend over

[Jay_]

i will be honest I get so drunk on nights out that i don't want to talk to girls cos I'm a mess.

[Gandi699]

I tell them they have a lovely blouse on

[Prickle]

Just go with raping, Logic..

Let us know how it goes mate.

[Lacey_106]

the story about the guy who nearly got punched by a girls boyfriend was waaaaay more interesting than some pish about chat up lines

Chatting up girls: If your line is 'i'm a carpenter' then you're doing it wrong, unless you're the intellectual type who's going for a Jesus reference. That would be cool, but most girls in clubs wont get it. Good for churches though

http://i210.photobucket.com/albums/bb136/richardsgareth333/ha.jpg

You've made me cry with laughter throughout this thread. :D


Also... It's so obvious when I guy is telling you lies. One guy told me he was a fashion buyer for ASOS and that he could get me discount. That worked fine until he forgot added me to Facebook and it showed he was at college studying sport science and working at tesco.

Made me laugh though.

[MuZiZZle]

You've made me cry with laughter throughout this thread. :D


Also... It's so obvious when I guy is telling you lies. One guy told me he was a fashion buyer for ASOS and that he could get me discount. That worked fine until he forgot added me to Facebook and it showed he was at college studying sport science and working at tesco.

Made me laugh though.

did you not suss when he knew fuck all about fashion but was shit hot on stock rotation and where the mung beans are?!!?

[Lacey_106]

did you not suss when he knew fuck all about fashion but was shit hot on stock rotation and where the mung beans are?!!?

This was in Windsor where every Tom dick and Harry considers themselves fashion experts.

I'll be sure to ask every person who offers to buy me a drink about profit margins, fronting, and BOGOF offers before I accept next time. ;)

[MuZiZZle]

This was in Windsor where every Tom dick and Harry considers themselves fashion experts.

I'll be sure to ask every person who offers to buy me a drink about profit margins, fronting, and BOGOF offers before I accept next time. ;)

I'd go for "are you a rapist" first like

[Lacey_106]

I'd go for "are you a rapist" first like

Hmmm... Ok. I'll do this on Saturday night. I'll film it.

Edit: the conversation not the raping.

[Mochachino]

lol i went out once with 3 other mates and 2 of my mates were talking to these girls who wernt paeticulary fit..they told the girls they work in F1 and build their own engines and they were impressed...but as they wernt that good looking me and my mate told them in reply to my mates f1 reaponse that we make our own burgers and have a burger van. Was rather funny, from f1 engine builders to making our own burgers haha

[m11ler]

I tell them they have a lovely blouse on

Made me laugh so much, no idea why though :clapping:

[D1zzyman]

just say you're a black guy. all black guys have bitches and hoes.

this guy speaks the truth. :A:

[m3wood]

try .... i am a farmer, do you mind if i plough you .......

[Lacey_106]

try .... i am a farmer, do you mind if i plough you .......

This works at Glastonbury and Oxford.

A typical pick up line for a girl to use on a boy where I live is 'how many acres?' less than 30 don't give him the time of day. 50 or more let him but you a drink. 100+ anything goes.

I should follow this too. Might stop me from going out with losers and pricks.

[Tringaling]

I just sit there and smoke a pipe.

[0rang3peel]

I should follow this too. Might stop me from going out with losers and pricks.

Don't talk about Viper that way.

lololololoololool

[MuZiZZle]

Made me laugh so much, no idea why though :clapping:

Because it's from Bottom?

[Jay_]

this guy speaks the truth. :A:

I know! I'm black. I've got a bitch typing this for me! :y:

[umbro]

Why would we be sailors if we're staying in a bloody Travel lodge for 2 nights :/

because thats what they do when they have passed out from the first 9 weeks training, been down pompey/plymouth a few times when mates have finished their 9 weeks basic training

[Gandi699]

Made me laugh so much, no idea why though :clapping:

If you've ever watched "Bottom" with rik mayall you'll know where I'm coming from. I was out in a club in the London the other week talking to my mates sister, and some posh fop dressed like he was going boating dances over and actually goes to her "thats a nice top you've got on!". I nearly fell over laughing

[MuZiZZle]

If you've ever watched "Bottom" with rik mayall you'll know where I'm coming from. I was out in a club in the London the other week talking to my mates sister, and some posh fop dressed like he was going boating dances over and actually goes to her "thats a nice top you've got on!". I nearly fell over laughing

By the way, I'm the duke of kiddeminster and extremely rich!

I pretty much know Bottom off by heart!

[Gandi699]

By the way, I'm the duke of kiddeminster and extremely rich!

I pretty much know Bottom off by heart!

I particularly like the episode where they go to Wolverhampton, which is the where they hollow out Fish fingers and fill them with dog shit

[MiniGibbo]

try .... i am a farmer, do you mind if i plough you .......

Made my day :clapping:

[MickyWelsh172]

I've never used owt silly, but my cousin used to say he puts the bend's in banana's or males crash helmets (Random as fuck?)

[Ashleyp]

This works at Glastonbury and Oxford.

A typical pick up line for a girl to use on a boy where I live is 'how many acres?' less than 30 don't give him the time of day. 50 or more let him but you a drink. 100+ anything goes.

I should follow this too. Might stop me from going out with losers and pricks.

Surely closing your legs would have the same effect ;)

[Lacey_106]

Surely closing your legs would have the same effect ;)

Yeah working well thanks Ashley. I'm really looking forward to meeting you.

[Ryan]

Surely closing your legs would have the same effect ;)

Yeah working well thanks Ashley. I'm really looking forward to meeting you.

Lol....

[FinchysSaxo]

Why you being a cunt prigmoar?

I bet you know alot about picking up girls...

[Tc24]

Let them know you own a 2 tone VTR. Underwear will be off faster than your 0-60 time y0.

[L33h]

I work for Autoglass....

I just say im Gavin from Autoglass... Ive come to fill your crack with my special resin ;)

[JRC1]

Me and a mate are going to Pompey this Easter Weekend for 2 nights.


You can tell them you've had an absolute nightmare choosing the worst place in the UK to go on a night out?!

[Mike-VTR]

I said i'm a Self Employed Carpenter with 12 skivvys working for me on a big contract in London and i'm down here because i need some time off work.

lol your lie isnt far from my reality. why would a self employed carpenter be subbing 12 guys hahaha, to be fair theyre women, what do they know.

[Viper]

This works at Glastonbury and Oxford.

A typical pick up line for a girl to use on a boy where I live is 'how many acres?' less than 30 don't give him the time of day. 50 or more let him but you a drink. 100+ anything goes.

I should follow this too. Might stop me from going out with losers and pricks.

Don't talk about Viper that way.

lololololoololool

LOL!

Cant have meant me. We've got over 100 acres :A:

Also staying on topic. I prefer following them home and making my own way in to their house and then them.

[logic_guy]

Let them know you own a 2 tone VTR. Underwear will be off faster than your 0-60 time y0.
Fucking quality one. Cracked me up!

I work for Autoglass....

I just say im Gavin from Autoglass... Ive come to fill your crack with my special resin ;)
Very good. :y:

I Said I was a nightclub promoter on Thursday and worked a treat.

[Ryan]

When you mean promoter do you mean a flyer girl or an actual promoter (someone who puts the night together)

Derail but I lol when people tell me they are promoters when they're just a flyer person.

[stevo67]

Me and a mate are going to Pompey this Easter Weekend for 2 nights.

Its ultimately a pulling weekend of slags. We're having a bit of banter and he said if he talks to a girl, his going to say his a Next Model/ Club Promoter called Ben. I said i'm a Self Employed Carpenter with 12 skivvys working for me on a big contract in London and i'm down here because i need some time off work.

Have you guys got any idea's of anything else we can use? Awaits stupid comments

1 thing you don`t say to them is that you`re from Southampton,1.you won`t get out of the pub alive & 2.no chance of scoring.:drink:

[UKtom]

1 thing you don`t say to them is that you`re from Southampton,1.you won`t get out of the pub alive & 2.no chance of scoring.:drink:

+1 on this. :y:

[logic_guy]

1 thing you don`t say to them is that you`re from Southampton,1.you won`t get out of the pub alive & 2.no chance of scoring.:drink:

Leave It Yeahhhh. Being a Pompey Supporter i don't think that #1. I'd say that and #2, I think your partially right there.

Ryan. I'm a Promoter... I organise nights and liaise with management of big stars... Sounds good enough tbh lol

What exactly does your job involve Ryan?

[Ryan]

Misread what you said thought you said You tried it on a promoter lol.

My job involves spending alot of time around artists taking photos.

[Viper]

My job involves spending alot of time around artists taking photos of underage kids

That doesn't sound legal Ryan.

[Ryan]

That doesn't sound legal Ryan.

Theres good money in it though.

Thanks for the 5k cheque for those pics of young boys

[Viper]

Yeah I hear people pay big money for that type of thing.

The photos are fantastic, I'm glad you share the same passion I do ;)

[Ryan]

Business is business ;)

[Saxologist]

That doesn't sound legal Ryan.

Oh Viper, that and the quote actually made me laugh out loud.

[Viper]

Oh Viper, that and the quote actually made me laugh out loud.

Do you want to make some sex now?

[Saxologist]

Do you want to make some sex now?

Only if I can face the wall and read a book

[Viper]

That's fine with me. Will you tell me you love me when I've finished?

[Saxologist]

That's fine with me. Will you tell me you love me when I've finished?

I'll pat you on the chest and whisper it in your ear

[Viper]

I'll pat you on the chest and whisper it in your ear

I hope you stroke my hair too.

[Saxologist]

I hope you stroke my hair too.

I'd stroke it so much, you'd get a mullet.

I'll even 'coo' in your ear. You might get lucky and i'll curl up in your masculine arms.

[TomT]

Derail but I lol when people tell me they are promoters when they're just a flyer person.

+1 to that, makes me snigger in their face

[Jamie]

Tell them the truth? If they don't like it they are obviously not worth it. Why does it or why should it matter what you work as?

Unless you are a bin man! I'd keep that back haha. (Not that it's a bad job, just girls might think your dirty lols)