Vorsprung Durch Barge

[D4MJT]

As the 106 is utterly horrific to use, and I sort of need a grown up's car for work, I've been on the hunt for some sort of sensible daily affair.

As luck would have it, our very own Dave also decided that his life was far too predictable and he had too much disposable money, so he bought a 750iL. That left his trusty Audi surplus to requirements, and basically I've bought it.

I was looking at e39 tourings, and generally large estates so I can chuck kit in it and cruise about in comfort, and this is both a large estate (it's massive) and it's comfortable, so winner winner.

Here we are back at Fort Mordor after picking it up :

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1226_zps2f25ac1d.jpg~original

It's an early 2002 '51' plate, Audi A6 Avant 1.9 TDi SE. It's got the later 'AVF' 130bhp version of the derv power plant and a 6 speed manual box. The concert sound system is plenty decent enough, and it has air-con, cruise, electric thingz and a massive boot. Allegedly it may or may not have been mapped. I don't think it's massively quicker than 130bhp, but it pulls itself along well. I suspect if it's been mapped, it's an economy map, as the fuel consumption appears to be ridiculous.

Dem loadspacezzz, complete with dog guard and luggage net, nice.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1228_zps23e9e47f.jpg~original

I lashed down to Muz' in it and gave it a scrub off, well he did anyway:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1240_zpsfdf92868.jpg~original

Magical Iron X at work:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1241_zpsb545ef9f.jpg~original

Such Bleedz:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1245_zps835f2844.jpg~original

Cleanz:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1247_zps71c0c152.jpg~original

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1270_zpsc91c9107.jpg~original

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1271_zps9b21632a.jpg~original

So there we are, it appears to be a particularly sensible daily driver. The economy is daft for the size of it. I'm babying it around rather than hoofing it, and given where I live, 'anywhere' is a decent run, but it's averaging just over 60mpg and that appears to be bang on ish with what I'm putting in at the pump.

Which means, when full, I'm getting 1000+ mile tank range, here's 1010 mile range, and 88.4 miles covered so far, mental.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1275_zps507f82a0.jpg~original

[deano_123]

Audi bumder, whats the plans for it?

Impressive MPG, kind of kicks the bollocks off my 230 to a tank

[L33h]

Thats seriously good on fuel! I used to get like 350 miles out of a tank in the a3 haha

[Giraffe]

Bargegasm.

[D4MJT]

Basically, drive it and look after it mechanically.

I can see it being a long termed already, so if that's the case next year I might stick some rs6 leathers in it for the comforts and a 3 spoke chunky wheel.

Bar that, nothing really. I may swap the wheels, but the ride is good on the 16's, so I may also not.

[Dany4494]

Looks well after a clean :), what's with everyone buying barges ?

[smiith]

From your garden pictures, your house seems like it would be nice, from the front of your house, it looks stolen from the set of Shameless.. :hug:

Decent barge though

[smiith]

Looks well after a clean :), what's with everyone buying barges ?

the average age of saxp members is about 30 now.. Not 18..

[Dany4494]

the average age of saxp members is about 30 now.. Not 18..
Orire lad sorry mate im 17 yo

[D4MJT]

From your garden pictures, your house seems like it would be nice, from the front of your house, it looks stolen from the set of Shameless.. :hug:

Decent barge though

FLOL

It's pretty much exactly like the set of shameless. It's just burnt out cars and kids running round with shopping trolleys tbh.

[D4MJT]

Orire lad sorry mate im 17 yo

Mmmmm fresh meatz

[Dano]

Can I ask how much it was? I fancy one of these!

[rey]

That's some epic mpgeeez..

Hrmm, I bought the wrong one..

[Manu]

A wise purchase :y:

[MuZiZZle]

I'm good at cleaning cars like, I'm also bald, and sexy

[chompy]

Muzz, you're a chubby shit.

[Ross]

I'm good at cleaning cars like, I'm also bald, and sexy

But spent all the money on an M5 so could only afford a poverty spec pressure washer.

[Giraffe]

Can I ask how much it was? I fancy one of these!

Given that he got it off me and I love his sexy burgers, you probably wouldn't get one like that for what he paid... I gave £1,550 for it (I think, I say I, my Dad did and I swapped my old E38 for it) and that's about right for one I think, possibly a smidge more with less miles.

[Ross]

Given that he got it off me and I love his sexy burgers, you probably wouldn't get one like that for what he paid... I gave £1,550 for it (I think, I say I, my Dad did and I swapped my old E38 for it) and that's about right for one I think, possibly a smidge more with less miles.

I didn't realise Dave lived on such a big hill?

[Giraffe]

I didn't realise Dave lived on such a big hill?

I'm so fucking confused! Explain yourself!

[D4MJT]

I paid £3,000,000 for it.

I think Dave may have had me.

[Giraffe]

I paid £3,000,000 for it.

I think Dave may have had me.

QFT. I'm taking you to court if you don't give me THREE MIRRION DORRARS.

Although you did say pounds so if it's not pounds then I'm still taking you to court.

[MuZiZZle]

But spent all the money on an M5 so could only afford a poverty spec pressure washer.

I only do the outside of mine though, I don't need a huge one to blast the carbon deposits out of my engine because my car isn't fucking shit and low powered! you gigantic homosexual manual quattro driving bender :boxing::boxing::boxing:

I think Dave may have had me.

So that's how you got it cheap!

Like father like son

[Ross]

I'm so fucking confused! Explain yourself!

Because he saw you coming a fucking MILE away.

[Giraffe]

Because he saw you coming a fucking MILE away.

Who saw me coming a mile away?!

[D4MJT]

Are you on drugs Ross? you're making less sense than me!

[Ross]

Fuck me you thick bastards.

[Giraffe]

No really, you're making literally LESS than no sense.

If I live on a big hill, then surely it would be me who sees everyone coming? But I don't get who I've seen coming. If someone has seen ME coming, then not only are they perverted as fuck but I don't understand why. I think you ought to PM me a full explanation.

[D4MJT]

holla, it's barge o'clock. I've been mo' quietz recently as I've been off wife-ing the mrs, and doing general wedding / life / things.

I don't like to have a boring life so we both decided to change jobs at the same time as getting married, so until cashflow smooths out a bit, we knocked the honeymoon on the head. Sarah gets bored though, so decided at lunchtime we should go to Paris for breakfast, so we decided to try out the chunnel and pile over to frogworld.

It turns out you can get quite a lot in the boot of an A6, so I lashed a cool box, 2 suitcases, 2 sleeping bags, a tent, a duvet, some pillows, walking boots, munchies, 200weight of diet pepsi and the laptop in the back of it and decided that was sufficient prep*.

(*This was not sufficient prep)

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1364_zps1d9d1418.jpg~original

I piled down to Newcastle, and brimmed the tank with tasty derv, then minced down to 'boro, as it turns out you need to carry documentation for the car abroad and I'd not picked it up off Dave yet. Sarah showed promise of being a great travelling companion by already being asleep at this point, and Dave didn't punch me in the face despite me being an hour late. Thanks dude x

After that, it was basically straight to Folkestone to get to the tunnel, I had the genius idea that I'd drive down overnight (left our house at 4:30pm) arriving near Folkestone around 2am, then get a few hours shut eye in the car before jumping on the train at 5:50am and arriving in Calais early doors.

Pit stop, Burger King was shut so I had to make do with foie gras and focaccia:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1371_zpsc205b577.jpg~original

It turns out there are many roadworks down south, and the A1 was also shut partially with an 85 mile detour through chipping wangsdale, so I didn't get to Folkestone till 3:45am. I had an hours kip, then an overpriced cup of tea from Costa, and nashed on for the train.

The tunnel was genius, it was so straightforward even I managed to do it without crashing onto the tracks, or driving onto a normal commuter train. Also it's childishly good fun driving down onto a platform and then into a train.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1375_zpsc805d9dc.jpg~original

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1377_zps30e11435.jpg~original

So on you drive, then they seperate the carriages with shutter doors, and you chill out for like 25 minutes, then boosh, you're up inside france like a motherflipper

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1378_zpsb123cc0c.jpg~original

Arriving in Calais, I stopped at the tunnel services where it became apparent that even there no-one spoke english, and applied the required 'GB' sticker, to ensure that everyone knows I have no idea what I'm doing, and the headlight beam converters. Promising myself I'd avoid expensive toll roads, I left the services, immediately joined a toll road, and set the sat nav for Paris.

This brings us back to "prep".

Hey buddy:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1394_zps2bae3275.jpg~original

A friendly warning buzzer pointed out I had no oil, which was annoying. Whipping out the Audi handbook I was expecting to find suggested oil, like xWyy fully synthetic, but it helpfully advised me to use VW special oil 0400200101000202000x0x00201000xs00100302004 or something similar.

I rang Newcastle Audi to speak to someone normal and their service department told to me to "stick some 5w30 fully synthetic in pet".

Pow:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1397_zps41e41a0a.jpg~original

In all honesty I've still no idea if it's fully synthetic, as the entire rear of the bottle was in french, however the front had the words "full" and "synthetic" on it, even if they weren't together, so I went for that. Oil warning off, the car didn't explode, so I rejoined the toll road and headed for gay paris.

Sarah woke up around this point and agreed driving into central paris would be a total fuck on, so decided to locate a park and ride style car park so we could park on the outskirts, and then mince round on foot.

It also turns out she's fucking shit at reading a map, despite many years in scouts as a youth.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1463_zpsf992552f.jpg~original

Paris traffic is pretty interesting. The road marking have worn out and they just sort of make it up. It's not as mental as Italy or Sicily, but it's not a million miles away. I finally found a parking space

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1419_zpsd05e5c4a.jpg~original

It turns out it was free because it was permit holders only and outside a police station, so I also didn't park there long.

Fast food in France is pretty much non-existent from what I could make out, services have real food in them, and I passed very few McDonalds. This was good, as it meant lots of this:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1466_zps16f840f4.jpg~original

Overall, I thought Paris was shit. The architecture is nice in the good parts, but generally a lot of it is pretty rough, and for some reason I expected the Eiffel Tower to be bigger.

Ditching the urbanz, we set off for a campsite "mid-france" with a view to camping overnight, then mooching back to Calais via the coast the next day.

Token dooshed french sax:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1465_zpscd3b0057.jpg~original

The french countryside was lovely, weather was awesome, and it was generally really pretty, good roads.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1462_zps0721fabc.jpg~original

Campsite turned out to be right next to the site of the battle of the Somme, and was cracking, plenty of facilities, wifi etc. We were in a plot next to some german's so I made sure to make plenty of war references.

Turns out the Audi has power in the boot as well which was genius, so I used it to blow up the airbed. Sarah was meant to put the tent up, but may have put it on instead.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1459_zps8b0f3034.jpg~original

Pro Campist

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1461_zpsc21783d1.jpg~original

Slept like a hero for about 9 hours after many drivingz and battling through paris, and then the following day minced up round the North coast, stopping at beaches n ting, generally being a tourist wanker.

Back over on the tunnel, can't remember if I mentioned it but it was only £30 each way which is a bit of a bargain imo

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1514_zpsbc7f57ba.jpg~original

Back in Blightly we detoured slightly to go see the white cliffs of Dover, and spotted das barge's big brother:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1519_zpsaed64a33.jpg~original

Also, dem cliffz

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/IMG_1538_zps3ad9a948.jpg~original

So, the car was awesome basically. In total we covered 1380 miles over 3.5 days, and it used just shy of a tank and a half of Derv. Long range warrior.

All in all it's very good. It's not fast, it's not particularly exciting, it isn't even super luxurious, but it swallows vast amounts of luggage, the seats are actually very comfortable over long distances, it's quiet and refined at cruising speeds, it's got many many storage bins and places to stash crap, power outlets are handy, the sound system is good and generally it does stuff well.

:y:

[Jizanthapus]

That was a good read :y:

You've made me foam at the mouth for Boursin though. I'm justifying driving over there later just for a proper baguette and Boursin.

[D4MJT]

That was a good read :y:

You've made me foam at the mouth for Boursin though. I'm justifying driving over there later just for a proper baguette and Boursin.

Cheers buddy!

It's worth it like, the quality of the deli stuff is just so much better than here. Instead of greggs pasties it's dried meats and sausages, cheese and pastries, it's awesome.

Campsite was really reasonable too, £11 for the plot overnight with Wi-Fi, 2 euros for 14 minutes in the shower, and the bar was the cheapest I've drank in, a Kronenburg and Martini and lemonade was just under 5 euros!

[Jizanthapus]

Cheers buddy!

It's worth it like, the quality of the deli stuff is just so much better than here. Instead of greggs pasties it's dried meats and sausages, cheese and pastries, it's awesome.

Campsite was really reasonable too, £11 for the plot overnight with Wi-Fi, 2 euros for 14 minutes in the shower, and the bar was the cheapest I've drank in, a Kronenburg and Martini and lemonade was just under 5 euros!

Sounds good!

I'd love to drive over there more often but its just a pain in the arse getting down to Dover for us Northerners! Fuck the m25 inparticular. Was a nightmare last time..

[D4MJT]

More top barging has been happening. Mileage has ticked over to 154,600 today, it's due a service, and I've had driveshaft woes, but that's mostly been it.

The drivers side CV joint has been knocking, so I set out to change it, and ordered a J and R shaft. Can't knock the design on the Audi, it's a bit tight to get the driveshaft out, but you can do it without doing anything other than jacking the car up and taking the wheel off, you don't need to remove the hub, or fuck on with ball joints etc.

Sadly J and R sent me a shaft that failed literally immediately, I didn't get 10 feet from the house. They sent me a replacement equally as fast though, so that's now changed and mechanical bliss has returned.

The economy has sharply dropped off in recent weeks, from hovering around the 57 average mark down to 46 on a good day. It's due a service, but whilst starting this, I noticed the EGR valve was leaking, so carried on and removed the whole thing and cleaned it.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/BeforeRefresh_zps42a6e02a.jpg~original

Turns out it needed it.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/EGRDirty_zps637d7f20.jpg~original

ewwwwww. Anyway, I did some of this:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/Scrubbing_zps201bc6d9.jpg~original

and got this:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/Clean_zpsb2dc8bf4.jpg~original

and then refitted it:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/CleanedRefitEGR_zps8a6f3b73.jpg~original

While I was on I binned the old air filter and lashed a new one in, and replaced the diesel filter:

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/OldFilters_zps16ae8e5d.jpg~original

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/NewFuel_zpsd2b8a9f5.jpg~original

I'm waiting on the oil arriving to do the oil and filter, but out on a run down to Mickswan's tonight it seems immediately much better, cruise in 6th at 56 on a flat is returning around the 90-100mpg mark again, and average is back at 56 so far. Happy days!

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/Dials_zpsd6d47473.jpg~original

The only other change I've made is to retrofit xenon dipped headlamps, the standard ones aren't great and it's really proper dark up my way with a lack of streetlights, or even streets. As I'm a bender I've replaced the dull normal sidelight bulbs with CANBUS LED items as well.

http://i185.photobucket.com/albums/x297/D4MJT/Xenon_zps3b568ebe.jpg~original

That's it really, it's just working. It does need a clutch. Not imminently, but if you give it beans and change gear quickly it will slip. I'm nursing it on and hopefully it'll last the winter out and I'll change it when it gets warm again next year.

:y:

[Mickswan]

Noticed your lights straight away when you yelled on the drive, light was much sharper and clear.

Imagine it makes the difference guarding the borders.

[Dany4494]

I like this barge tbh needs some big comfy front leathers :).

[D4MJT]

Noticed your lights straight away when you yelled on the drive, light was much sharper and clear.

Imagine it makes the difference guarding the borders.

Any headstart I get on Chompy is totally worth it, the sexy ginger tartan bastard.

[MuZiZZle]

I've not read the france trip bit of this as I fucking detest you, but it did look good!

Should we take the red peril to the ring?

[D4MJT]

I like this barge tbh needs some big comfy front leathers :).

It does!

I'd happily settle for some sport leathers, the daddy's are the RS6 recaro's like.

Next year once I've done the DMF and Clutch, and probably re-tyred it again, I'll look into that I reckon, it's definitely on the list. It's just flown through it's MOT so it's not going anywhere anytime soon. :y:

[D4MJT]

I've not read the france trip bit of this as I fucking detest you, but it did look good!

Should we take the red peril to the ring?

We could like, only if you don't come though.

[MuZiZZle]

We could like, only if you don't come though.

No fear of that, I find you sexually repulsive

[Prickle]

We could like, only if you don't come though.

LOL...

[Dany4494]

What's going on with this shag wagon ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Giraffe]

What's going on with this shag wagon ?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

He is trying his best to kill it.

[MuZiZZle]

He is trying his best to kill it.

I dunno what you did with it Dave but the back is very low

[Giraffe]

Nothing, the back was always low! Probably been towing shit hasn't it.

[MuZiZZle]

Nothing, the back was always low! Probably been towing shit hasn't it.

Probably skips full of meat, the tubby bastard.

[Ross]

Probably skips full of meat, the tubby bastard.

Or he's just got a girlfriend in the boot.

[Giraffe]

Or he's just got a girlfriend in the boot.

He's talking about Matt, therefore so are you, which isn't a very nice thing to say about his wife!

[D4MJT]

Bitches

It's epic. I've done 15K in it now, and I've just picked up some brakes to fit to it. Apart from that, it's just doing a grand job generally. I've still not replaced the clutch, but then I don't drive fast enough to worry it normally.

[Giraffe]

Bitches

It's epic. I've done 15K in it now, and I've just picked up some brakes to fit to it. Apart from that, it's just doing a grand job generally. I've still not replaced the clutch, but then I don't drive fast enough to worry it normally.

Do you want to swap for my Honda?

[D4MJT]

Do you want to swap for my Honda?

Not really?

[Giraffe]

Not really?

Don't be a dick. Swap for the 750?

[D4MJT]

Don't be a dick. Swap for the 750?

I would in a flash!

If I was doing 150 miles in 6 months and not 15,000.

FML

[Dany4494]

I like this what's going on ?

[D4MJT]

Written off buddy :(

I'll update tomorrow, I have a new shed.

[Dany4494]

You joking ?!

[Brettles1986]

Volvo wanker!

#turnyourfuckinglightsoff

[D4MJT]

You joking ?!

Sadly not, stopped in queue'd traffic in Newcastle, some hero in a Mercedes ML350 went straight into the back of it.

Did the back lights in, hatch, kinked the boot floor, pushed the towbar through the spare wheel well, bumper, etc.

On the plus side, I came out of it fine, no worries there, so they stand up well.

In total I did 19,786 miles in it. During that time I serviced it, it was due another, I fitted 2 driveshafts, and put some diesel in. Costs worked out at 10.8p per mile during my ownership. Big boots to fill.

I could have bought it back, but it would have been a Cat C, I don't have the time to be sorting it myself, and it needed a clutch anyway, so I settled and it's gone to CoPart.

This left a large diesel estate sized gap in my life. Ideally I wanted another A6 Avant, but I wanted another 130bhp 6 speed non-quattro, and with leather, which proved impossible to find.

I also sort of couldn't be fucked with lashing up and down the country to see cars, so I took a punt on a local car, and I've ended up with a Volvo V70 D5. In all honesty, I have no idea what it'll be like, I didn't set out to buy one I've just sort of ended up with it again, but so far it seems really good, and I daresay I prefer it to the Audi.

I'm in the process of cleaning it up, and I have a week off coming up from the 18th, so I'll get some pics of the new mile muncher around then.

[Jizanthapus]

That's not good to hear! I hope you verbally stabbed up the Mercedes driver.

I await pics of the ovlov x