potatopete
2nd November 2006, 17:05
Not sure who wrote these, but I thought they were classic! Enjoy!
-----------
Number One Idiot of 2005
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end
of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
away.
Number Two Idiot of 2005
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she! could n ot
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.
Number Three Idiot of 2005
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch
that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused
and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she
put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
Idiot Number Five of 2005
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
Idiot Number Six of 2005
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor
store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
Subject: The Last Line Says It All
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
__________________________________________________ ____
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
__________________________________________________ _____
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
__________________________________________________ _
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the
company due to"downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more
often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
__________________________________________________ __
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
__________________________________________________ _____
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE
-----------
Number One Idiot of 2005
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little
daughter eating ants.
I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no
need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end
of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant
poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right
away.
Number Two Idiot of 2005
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and
wrote "this. Put all your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police
before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells
Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she! could n ot
accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or
go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left.
He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.
Number Three Idiot of 2005
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained
another picture, this time of handcuffs.
He immediately mailed in his $40.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all
of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch
that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf.
He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused
and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because she didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and
gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she
put the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the
robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
Idiot Number Five of 2005
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
Idiot Number Six of 2005
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze,
and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor
store window was made of Plexi-Glass.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, Here's your sign
(Please note that all of the above people are allowed to vote)
Subject: The Last Line Says It All
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing
sign on our road.
The reason:
"Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .
__________________________________________________ ____
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but
they only had iceberg.
He was a Chef?
Yep...From Kansas City !
______________________________________________
IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
__________________________________________________ _____
IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street.
I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine.
She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for.
I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
__________________________________________________ _
IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the
company due to"downsizing."
Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more
often."
Not another word was spoken.
We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a bunch at Texas Instruments.
__________________________________________________ __
IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the
door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the
technician, "its open!"
His reply, "I know - I already got that side."
This was at the CHEVY dealership in Canton , Mississippi !
__________________________________________________ _____
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us ... and they REPRODUCE