Originally Posted by nicole_ (Post 5653320)

the waiting list for the NHS is like 6 weeks+ for counselling
i'd go private if you can, but i definitely think its worth it talking to someone

Originally Posted by jw1325 (Post 5653113)

Tried to reply to this at work last night but reception was shit!

I know where you're coming from pal.

Although I haven't lost my mum, I have an absolutley awful relationship with her. She's controlling, manipulitive, and no matter what I do, it's never enough. I've had counselling, and anger management, both of which didn't work. I'm a very proud person who doesn't share their feelings or let their walls down very often. Hardly at all - in fact. The only emotion I tend to allow people to see is anger, as it's such a defensive, concealing emotion. What people don't tend to see behind it is the hurt, the confusion, and the downright desperation to know where things went wrong.

I was a really bright ( and I mean super intellengent) young girl top of my class the whole way through primaray. Bullied to death for it. Onto highschool, same story. So I did the 'can't beat em join em' act and became a complete arse in school and a bully. left with very good grades, but not perfect. I didn't revise once. I once had a teacher cry out of desperation for me to just try harder.

And here's where my relationship with mum crumbled. at 14, I got a horse. A bit of a nutcase, but my very own beautiful horse who was all mine mine mine. I worked 7.30 - 3pm every Saturday and Sunday to pay for my horse, alongside working on making him sane, and seeing to him every day. I had a bad accident which saw me in hospital - where my mum left me for days and spent the time with her new boyfriend, who I only met for the first time whilst lying out my face on morphine on the ward. After I recovered, she decided that having a horse wasn't worth it for me, and got rid. Really it was just so she could spend more time with her boyfriend who turned out to be an alcholic wife beating fuckwit. I've never forgiven her.

I went through college, got my equine degree, left the highest scoring person ever to sit the course, with trophies coming out my ears etc, took a job with horses. worked my way up from the bottom to compete, and now am an accredited teacher. Bloody hard work and plenty 90 hours + weeks involved.

My mum hates this and refuses to accept that I never became a lawyer or a doctor. My brain is 'wasted' and I'm an embarressment. I see it as I love what I do and who else can say that? yes I work another 2 jobs, you always need a back up, and the extra money comes in handy for my lessons, which in turn allow me to progress in my teaching.

She,along with past boyfriends ground me down and made me feel like shit. Took me a long time to realise I could depend on noone else to pull me out of my little dark place but myself. I hit my lowest point I think after I showed her my teaching schedule once, proud of how it was filling up and she said -'how does that saying go? Only those who fail to succeed - teach'

Took me a while to realise that's not true, my teaching helps me in my own riding / competing.

Everythings working out ok now, I've got my new car, my students (who I love to bits), my old, good friends back, and the best boyfriend ever - who I truley think would never have went out with me if I hadn't been as happy / confident as I am. I have my days but he understands this, and is brilliant.

Honestly Moke, speak to your GP if you wish - but by the sounds of things, theres plenty people around you (on here) that have went through the same thing. I go on the basis that I can't teach what I have not learned myself - so maybe the best thing for you to do would be talk to people who have faced the same challenges.

You've got me on Facebook, and I'm always on it (as you know) hit me up with a Srs face or so if you wish ;) x

edit: I'm still a cocky arrogant n00b hating bitch who is going to rip into all the virgins on here so don't you lot fucking forget that. Right.

Originally Posted by Bound (Post 5653833)

I'm miserable nearly all the time, don't really have a reason to be, just seem to hate the world.

Originally Posted by Bound (Post 5653833)

I'm miserable nearly all the time, don't really have a reason to be, just seem to hate the world.

Originally Posted by SAM-S44MDS- (Post 5653941)

Mikeeee :A:

You know where I am if you need a chat buddy, I was here for you last time you felt shite, when we had that massive chat...and as I said then, if it happens again im here again :hug:
I know we aint seen each other much lately, I guess we've both just been busy, but if you wanna go for a chat and a pint drop me a text mate :y:

You will be fine and you will pull through it...your a strong lad, trust me, I managed, and im a soft arse inside :y:

Originally Posted by Tontsy (Post 5653945)

turn to Professor Green.

Originally Posted by 23carragold (Post 5653961)

Moke, mate I honestly hope you get through your problems.

I agree with Manu, I think you need to re-assess how to deal with life's daily tribulations, I think because you are so young still and yet have been through quite tough predicaments, it will always feel like a wall that you cannot overcome.

I went to Signposts I think it was called, not too sure. This was when I was in secondary school and tbh I guess it did help having a third party perspective on my behaviour and situation.

The only guidance I can offer for what it's worth mate, is take every step you honestly think you need and can physically do that will aid you in overcoming and ideally, being able to handle issues in your life, and any that may arise. You are a genuinely honest and nice person, and I do believe you have it in you to find the strength to keep moving onwards and upwards.

Originally Posted by wolf_gsxr (Post 5654513)

follow my old family motto and all will be well... Illegitimi non carborundum

Originally Posted by CEdwards (Post 5654711)

You feeling any better?

Originally Posted by LeeM (Post 5654784)

im bipolar. before i went on meds a few years ago i went to my GP who referred me to a 1-on-1 counselling session which was great for a few weeks but then wasnt working so well so antidepressants!

Originally Posted by Moke (Post 5654640)

Don't let the bastards grind you down :hug:

Originally Posted by Moke (Post 5654806)

So you're currently on anti-depressants?