ermm relationship help please?

[biteme]

ok right, i realise i dont actually know anyone on here lol but i would like some help and opinions or experiance please

i am dating someone at the moment (17 and im 18) and she has a daughter with another guy, she is 1 and the guy is not part of it, i am really struggling with this and she says its no different but it is she is a big part of the relationship and im not sure what to do, at times its fine as we go off together, but then when we are all together i struggle again, is this right? or am i just messed in the head, even sily things like if (BIG IF) it did last, i want kids of my own! but i realise it wont last as i wish to be single for start of uni, and she knows this but it still comes into my head :( i dunno what to do ?????

:(

[joemcevoy]

if your not comfortable with your girl having a kid. Id leave but on good terms. Let her know how you feel, but tell her you wanna be friends. No point getting to involved if your gonna dash off in a while anyway.

[kevin_172]

is this a casual thing or do you actually have "feelings" for her. because from what i can see in your post it dont seem serious.. She has a kid at 17.. tbh thats a hard thing for someone of that age to cope with especialy if the dad aint helping out. If you are serious about her show her you care and enjoy the time you have together. and about kids... your a few years away from that seeing your looking at uni!!!

[Ross-1987]

IMO you need to digg deeper for a bigger set of balls (die hard lol) you must of known the situation before you got involved with this girl?
From what you have said you not really intending on having a long relationship?
With a littlen to look after your gf needs as much help as poss with the kid?

may not be very sympathetic but then again just my opinion :y:

[biteme]

ok sounds odd but i do really like her or i would not still be around, i have walked away from phsyical activity (sex and all) due to all my worries! and if things went well i would stick with her! but im honest with her i sed the uni part to try stop myself getting attached especially when i have doubts!!

btw rep to all for even reading that lol!!:y:

[biteme]

i did know just didnt expect it to affect me this much!

[kevin_172]

one other thing why u want to be single for uni? or are you going far away from where she lives?

[Maxwell]

long have ya been seeing her for???

[biteme]

only about 2 months and its been bugging me for ages, well i live in southampton along wit her and im hoping to go to central lancashire uni (up by the lake district!!) not to do with uni just i know long distance is a pain!

[Maxwell]

u been going with her 2 months, and living with her already??????

slow the fuuk down man lmao!!!!

also, if you have moved in that soon, you musta known her before you started seeing each other...which in that case, you would have known her situation!!

tbh mate, respect her and the kid...if you dont like the situation...leave on good terms, or if its bearable and you like her, then the kid shouldnt annoy you mate!!

[biteme]

u been going with her 2 months, and living with her already??????

slow the fuuk down man lmao!!!!

also, if you have moved in that soon, you musta known her before you started seeing each other...which in that case, you would have known her situation!!

tbh mate, respect her and the kid...if you dont like the situation...leave on good terms, or if its bearable and you like her, then the kid shouldnt annoy you mate!!

sorry mate wrong end of the stick as in we live like just down the street both in southampton lolllll sorry ahem

[Maxwell]

ahh right kk

well you have known her for a while then...as i say respect her situaton etc bla bla bla...i said it all above there lol

[joemcevoy]

To me it looks like your a bit in deniel. You do really like the girl but you dont want to admit it to yourself because you wanna go party at uni. Thats fair enough. But you got to think about what your going to miss out on and what your going to gain. Look at the pros and cons and see what works better. You might find when you go to uni you dont wanna to party and wanna be with your girlfriend or you might find you dont want to be with your girlfriend. Bit of a hard situation but definatley slow down Look at it from the outside and have a long think about what your letting yourself in for. It may not be your kid but if you stick with that girl your going to have a lot of responsibility.

[biteme]

thanks very much guys!! i think i need to take a step back and re-evaluate what i want and how i truly feel :y:

if anyone is local i owe them drink (have reped) :drink: dont worry i wont talk about it there lol (south central section meet in pompey next weekend!!)

[Barry123]

kid at 16.... jeeeesus.

[djrem]

walk away.

im saying slag and never met her

[biteme]

lol is that cos of the kid? fair play! good to hear opinions

[djrem]

lol is that cos of the kid? fair play! good to hear opinions

i'll be honset

im drubnk and im making oinions without facts.

just like the rest of the puclic whn you walk down the street and that kid isnt yours.

slaggy wife and you're picking up the pieces

[medz_vtrturbo]

if she's a genuine girl, and the dad has nothing to do with it then the kid must have been a mistake. if u enjoy her company and have feelings for her then you should just get to grips about the kid.


or hump her and dump her:y:

[biteme]

lol loving the last comment lolllll wont she be baggy as?? (sorry scary as) says she wants me to show her anal 2 loll ;)
ahem

[Barry123]

lol loving the last comment lolllll wont she be baggy as?? (sorry scary as) says she wants me to show her anal 2 loll ;)
ahem

with class like that how can you say no?




say no, she'll probs get preggers again (even if you do it anal)

[Barry123]

does she have her own house out of interest?

purely for research purposes.

[djrem]

do what sayer says
he is the most sensible person i know


....on facebook.

[biteme]

lolll no not her own (4 person house sit)

i get the same feeling obv after this time rude talk is a usual relaionship thing but stil cant get my head round it :S

[djrem]

take a s tep back an dpretend you were one of your mates

what would yo usay to them/?

[Barry123]

do what sayer says
he is the most sensible person i know


....on facebook.

no do what rem says... he is the most sensible person i know.

[Barry123]

what would yo usay to them/?

hi mate, fancy it up the arse instead of playing on the playstation?

?

[djrem]

fuck off.,

i had sex with my ex and put it on the itnernet for a grand.

im a mong compared to sayer.

sayer advice ftw

[biteme]

LOL about all i can say to the little tiff lol

[Barry123]

you got a grand for that???


shit how much can I make knocking one (maybe two or three) out?

[djrem]

$3 for every view of tehe video

im drunk now so hit me up on msn some time with the site for you

[biteme]

i thought u wre joking lol :O get the site up on here!!!!!! lol

[djrem]

had i t removed

hit and run with my makings

[Mitchell]

i had sex once

bye

[vidal]

Stepping back, evaluate what your feelings are for
a) the girl
b) her child
c) the child's father

The father may, at any point want to come back into the picture to be involved with his child - you cannot deny him that, so how will you feel if this happens?

If you are currently planning to go away to uni, will any relationship survive, or are you looking to be single so you can "play the field"?

I'd say stay friends, if you genuinely like this girl, then see where it leads - one thing though - always use contraception - she's already proved she's fertile.

V.

[JimoVTR]

Bless you.

But looking around 95% of woman/girls (18ish) (round my area anyway) are either pregnant or mums.

I was seeing a milf not so long back (30), but thats gone k-put now, now this 18 year old is after me (2months preg), so a bit of poke n run is fine.

But if you have feelings stay with her, my step dad did with my mum when my dad didnt wanna know me, and the kiddie will love you and respect you for it.

[devilsadvocate]

Youre 18 years old mate. Its a HUGE responsbility to take on another persons child. To be honest i would have probably felt the same at 18.

You will soon work out if you really want to be with her. The kid does matter and will probably play a big part in your decision, regardless of what anybody else says.

The question is - You are 18 years old and about to start uni. Could you handle the responsibility of raising a child. YOU need to make that decision

[biteme]

thanks so much for all the help :) really appreciate it!

[laura_g]

Its how you personally feel tbf isnt it, like as your only 18 it is a big responsibility that not many are willing to take on

[betty]

taking on someone else's kid or kids is hard. i took on 6 kids at age of 19 which wearnt mine (my bf at time was 38). it is really hard i felt like a 40 yr old women all time! it is alot of hard work espically at a young age. Do wat u think is best if u dont love the girl then there is no point in carrying on coz u will end up hurting her! if u do love her then try ur hardest to make it work coz u will only regret it after a while!

hope this helps

betty x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

[boz]

i carnt see what a difference it makes if she has a kid with someone else??

she wants to be with you and is not with the other guy.

it wouldnt bother me if i was with a lass that had a kid to someone else, my mates has just moved his lass in and she has 2 kids to another guy, dosnt bother him.

kids are cool mate, gives you an insight into what it will be like to have your own lol

[AliC]

My m8 had the same problem no so long ago, and has just ended his realationship with his girl! She was the same age as your girl when she had a kid. Tbh m8, its what you want to do, personally i think your too young to take that burden on and if already your not comfortable maybe its time to bite the bullet and tell her how you feel, obviously leaving on good terms as its been hard for her to!

[boz]

if you really did like her, then why leave??

if it just a bit of fun, keep it going until you go to uni ;)

[biteme]

i do like her its just thouse little doubts really...

[laura_g]

is it you who has the doubt or worried what others may say

[saxo-maxo]

where abouts in southampton you from ?

soz go off topic lol.

[laura_g]

where abouts in southampton you from ?

soz go off topic lol.

spam, lol only joking :hug:

[saxo-maxo]

and what was that ^ :p hehe

[laura_g]

and what was that ^ :p hehe

only joking kidda :oops:

[Karl]

Your 18,
put it over her face and chuck her.

[biteme]

rofl to ^^

im hedge end man you??

guess its personl thing just scared me, think im gonna walk dont wana get stuck in all this shizz!

[L33h]

lol im 18.. nooo way would i take on a another lads baby.

tbh if u ask me it doesnt sound like u like her that much if ur sayin u wanna b single for uni. I say, like every1 else take a step back and look at the big picture.

Or, try talkin 2 her about how ya feel about everything.