Most embarrassing sexual experience? NSFW (back again!)

[VtsTom]

C'mon then, we all have them..

What's your worst?

Was at a house party about 6 years ago, met this girl, fugly but nice boobs. Got way to drunk. Ended up getting almost comatose on a bed. She comes up, jumps on top. I rise to occasion - as you do. 2 mins later she jumps off in tears, grabs her clothes and does a runner. I get up, take a sip of my beer, wonder out onto the landing with no kecks on to be greeted by about 10 people laughing at my blood soaked exposed crutch. Gave a smirk and wondered down stairs (still keck-less) to find a lift home. Drink is bad.

Apparently i was used to loose her virginity. Get in

[Peejous]

Sure she didnt just come on? :ill:

[ShaneVtr]

i got bladded once upon a time, and passed out and collapsed on the chick whilst on the job. Thats the last time iv drank straight vodka from the bottle.

I laughed. She had to put me to bed.

[Clouds_mate]

Snapped Banjo string several times.

[matt_vtr_15]

mine would not be so much myself but a girl who i nailed did a massive fanny fart and i laughed and walked out the room...

she has never got over it tbh!!!

[SamW]

I was at a friend 18th and i was rather drunk by the end so me and my ex went back to mine started doing the business, and i then threw up on her... nothing turns a woman on more than vomit ;)

[Predator_R32]

whilst down on a lass, i was proper turned on hadnt had it for a few weeks and rubbing on the bed got me a bit too excited, when it came to shagging her she was like haway then whack it in and i said sorry ive already came lol :p

[VtsTom]

Lol varts make me giggle no matter the situation

[AdamW]

Snapped Banjo string several times.

Ditto...

Nothing like running downstairs to inspect a broken dick in mirror while she lays naked in bed......

[VtsTom]

whilst down on a lass, i was proper turned on hadnt had it for a few weeks and rubbing on the bed got me a bit too excited, when it came to shagging her she was like haway then whack it in and i said sorry ive already came lol :p

I know a lad that spent 30 mins shagging the bed sheets because he thought he was in. The evil lass didnt tell him. Friction burns FTL

[Clouds_mate]

Ditto...

Nothing like running downstairs to inspect a broken dick in mirror while she lays naked in bed......

All about putting it in the sink and squeeeeezing it. Blood just drops off it like a tap

[martinmac]

was talking to a mate of mine the other day, and he was telling me about his friends recent sexual experience, his mate went home with some reeli big fugly bird.... she turned the lights off and asked if he was into kinky stuff.... he replied "yes".... she got on top of him and he waited to see what she had in mind. All of a sudden he felt something land on his chest..... he shot up and put the light on 2 discover something rather disturbing slide off his chest and onto the floor........ hmmmm...... he the vacated the premises...:ill:

[jae-jae]

LOL at banjo,

finally a thread i can relate to.

[VtsTom]

Never snapped mine...

Seen a lad doing his missus up a wall to hear "ARRRRRRGHHHHHH ive broke my willy!!!!" Apparently he slipped and grazed it up against the brick wall. Not cool

[Predator_R32]

she shit on him then, niiiiiiice

[Clouds_mate]

I know a lad that spent 30 mins shagging the bed sheets because he thought he was in. The evil lass didnt tell him. Friction burns FTL

My mate did the same. Got on top and starting to pump away.

'Jesus your tight'
'Might want to take my shorts off Aaron'

Bird is a lass we all hang around with. seriously funny.

[martinmac]

she shit on him then, niiiiiiice

Yup ... she also used his sock 2 clean herself ......... quite funny though coz the guys a bit of a tube anyway haha. Disgusting though...

[ekfoxervts]

Yup ... she also used his sock 2 clean herself ......... quite funny though coz the guys a bit of a tube anyway haha. Disgusting though...

i would of shot her for that tbh

[Danhunt]

Hmm where do i start. Falling asleep most times and talking about the FA cup. Didnt go down well.

1 minute wonders. Doesnt bother me tbh.

Finding out she's really hairy and not being able to go through with it.


So glad i have a gf now

[AdamW]

Seriously if a girl shit on me I would break her face

[Ryyy]

Yup ... she also used his sock 2 clean herself ......... quite funny though coz the guys a bit of a tube anyway haha. Disgusting though...

That's Fu***ng Disgusting!
Kinky Stuff = Yes
Shitting On Someone's Chest = Erm..No

[Pat_Vts]

was it defo shit?... thats pretty a big turn off... cant imagine anything worse tbh

[matt_vtr_15]

my most embarrasing would probably be banging a girl i used to go to school with when she said she was going to cum i pulled out and she squirted all over me... it was only a bout half 11 and i had to go the rest of the party topless and my bed was piss wet through so people thought i had pissed myself at first was not good...

[matt_vtr_15]

2 girls 1 cup ftw

[Oli_K]

Ive been walked in on by parents.

Walked in on by friends. Even passers while making good of some outdoor action.

We laughed eventually. Lol.

[Barry123]

Alsorts... I've given up on sex now.

Cock made a *cracking* noise on several occasions.
Women deciding to blob midway through a sesh

...and spuzzing myself before even getting my pants off

[joemcevoy]

my most embarrasing would probably be banging a girl i used to go to school with when she said she was going to cum i pulled out and she squirted all over me... it was only a bout half 11 and i had to go the rest of the party topless and my bed was piss wet through so people thought i had pissed myself at first was not good...


Thats excellent ha.

Mine would have to be the same as preds - getting a bit to excited and not lasting.

Another one which wasnt bad for me but bad for her was getting one from a lass and then shooting her in the face only for it to go in her eye and she had a bloodshot eye all night. i thought it was great

[Pat_Vts]

my sis saw me shagging her mate...

[littleracer]

a fat lard with a fishy fanny FTL.

was so funny after and i told me mates,we were hysterical lol.

same lass took her to macd's and oh she is BRAINDEAD so were in mc rags and shes got a milkshake and she goes i cant suck anymore up lol,so i sai take lid off and drink it like a normal drink,she did it,bottoms right up of the cup then i was waiting,5 secs later me and all my mates are on the floor lol,the ice cream came down the cup and it was around her mouth,nose face everywere.
was sooooo fanny lol.

[AdamW]

I can't think of anything worse, after a night of drinking, than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they are dead.

[djawesome123]

Nearly had a very dodgy moment. Was nailing a bird in the back of my car up on ditchling beacon (yes it is a local dogging hotspot for anyone that didnt know) Literally just finished and got back in the front and a police car pulled in the car park. I very nearly shat myself when they came over but I promised I hadnt been up to anything ;)

[VtsTom]

Squirting girls freak me out. Just dont seem right.

2 pumps and a grunt ftw!

[Pat_Vts]

I can't think of anything worse, after a night of drinking, than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they are dead.

or why theyre saying ''i love you...''

[martinmac]

was it defo shit?... thats pretty a big turn off... cant imagine anything worse tbh

Yeah.... then she wiped clean wi his sock.... he wasnt hanging about though.... he bolted out of her house with nothing on.... and ran home in the buff haha! Gotta be one of the most embarrasing scenarios ave heard of!

[EH_Fella]

Before the days of EssexHoney, I dated a lovely lass - whos(sp) best friend was dating my best mate (and work colleague). There was no 4's up, spitroasts or anything like that so stop reading now if you're expecting a gangbang story.

We all used to spend the night at my lasses house - in the sticks, masses of space and all that. She had half the house, her folks had the other. So we had a lounge, 2 large bedrooms, adequate bathroom and half a kitchen (the other half had landmines as they had captured the fridge, but I digress!).

Lasses brother slept in one room, so the four of us crashed out in the same room and if you weren't going to get your rocks off, you had better fall asleep fast before the other couple got up to it. I was once still awake when my mate and his lass decided to 'get jiggy with it.'

Fearing for my sanity I grabbed my iPod and headed downstairs to chill out. Liking my music loud, I cranked the 'Pod up and enjoyed some *proper* music. A short while later my friend came and stood infront of me; being somewhat in a daydream I suddenly became alert to the crotch of a man only a few feet from my face (the signs of a semi still quite visible). Said friend proceeded to confirm that all intercourse had halted and it was safe for me to return for some slumber.

As we headed upstairs, my friend motioned for me to stop and he quietly instructed me not to make eye contact with his missus. Infact, I was to get into bed as quickly as possible. My friend is a huge fan of Pink Floyd, and not only was he naming the tracks I was listening to, he was signing along. Whilst doing the deed. Needless to stay, his missus didn't find it funny and told him to do on.

Sorry that this story has an anti-climax, but it was the same fate as my friend.

Cheers.

[Pat_Vts]

Yeah.... then she wiped clean wi his sock.... he wasnt hanging about though.... he bolted out of her house with nothing on.... and ran home in the buff haha! Gotta be one of the most embarrasing scenarios ave heard of!

no wonder.... would have done the excat same thing

fucking hell post pics of that fat lass up on here so we all know to avoid her:y:

[ShaneVtr]

When i was all lovey dovey sleeping on this lasses floor downstairs in her mum and dads house, had a shag early hours and jonny fell out my jeans and their dog decised to try and eat it and her mum had to take it off the dog.

The first time i experienced a fanny fart was in the back of the sax.... i collapsed lauging my fucking arse off with tears in my eyes.

[VtsTom]

Got caught wanking by mum last night...

Really didn't expect her to wake up...

All these years she thought she had conjunctivitis.

Sikipedia ftw

[Furio_Rob]

whilst down on a lass, i was proper turned on hadnt had it for a few weeks and rubbing on the bed got me a bit too excited, when it came to shagging her she was like haway then whack it in and i said sorry ive already came lol :p

lol quality :D
you still with her by any chance? :homme:

I know a lad that spent 30 mins shagging the bed sheets because he thought he was in. The evil lass didnt tell him. Friction burns FTL

lol repped for that :hug:
thats fucking class

Seriously if a girl shit on me I would break her face

agreed, how the hell is that sexy :wall:

2 girls 1 cup ftw

fuck thats sick!
2 girls one finger is just as bad
its the same but inatead of using a cup they use the other girls mouth
i think

[martinmac]

no wonder.... would have done the excat same thing

fucking hell post pics of that fat lass up on here so we all know to avoid her:y:

Ha Ha true! Believe me, i dont think any1( except him) would be dumb enough to go near her to get themselves into that situation in the first place....

i was in stitches tbh when i heard the story, stupid lad....

And i have no pics....( which i believe is a good thing) shes not a pretty sight...

[martinmac]

Got caught wanking by mum last night...

bahahahaha hilarious :clapping:

[Audrey_D]

Thi thread has cheered me up :P

[littleracer]

Got caught wanking by mum last night...

Really didn't expect her to wake up...

All these years she thought she had conjunctivitis.

Sikipedia ftw

that is gross,sick,but funny as fuck lol

[kcsaxo]

trainspotting is the worst one i could think of, beating off to a film only to find your mum kicking the door in and seeing you bussin' a nut :)

[Pat_Vts]

Ha Ha true! Believe me, i dont think any1( except him) would be dumb enough to go near her to get themselves into that situation in the first place....

i was in stitches tbh when i heard the story, stupid lad....

And i have no pics....( which i believe is a good thing) shes not a pretty sight...

lol...

i was wel pissed on friday nearly got off with fat lass but my mate said ''man... you know shes fat? really really fat?''

it made me come to my senses thank fuck for that

[ShaneVtr]

http://lolcat.com/pics/threadlovercat.jpg

[Furio_Rob]

Got caught wanking by mum last night...

Really didn't expect her to wake up...

All these years she thought she had conjunctivitis.

Sikipedia ftw

lol!
wanted to rep again but have to spread the love :D
you're fucked up mate :y:

[matt_vtr_15]

girls who cum rock...

especially when they dont know they can and they think they have tiddled thereselves with a look of horror and embarrasment on their face

[Pat_Vts]

that is gross,sick,but funny as fuck lol

caught u wanking off couple weeks ago

[littleracer]

Thi thread has cheered me up :P

so whats yours,if any at all?
lol.

[Peejous]

Nothing much really, while in mid process called my then girlfriend by my previous girlfriends name. All sex etc pretty much stopped for about 1 week.

Other one was before the days when I could drive myself anywhere I used to get lifts off family or GF's family. After doing the shiz couldn't leave a used condom in her house (parents were really protective) so put it in my pocket to take it home. In the car on the way home take my new phone out of my pocket to show her dad it, and the condom stuck to the phone. GF got a talking to when her dad got back.

[Predator_R32]

lol quality :D
you still with her by any chance? :homme:

nope lol, free and single and loving it, especially threesomes with me mate, well only had two but damn there good and proper funny

[Danhunt]

Squirting girls ftw

As long as its not piss

[ShaneVtr]

they think they have tiddled thereselves with a look of horror and embarrasment on their face

lmao:clapping:

[littleracer]

caught u wanking off couple weeks ago

couldnt have been me,i don't wank,i own a brothel ;)

[martinmac]

lol...

i was wel pissed on friday nearly got off with fat lass but my mate said ''man... you know shes fat? really really fat?''

it made me come to my senses thank fuck for that

Yeh i pulled a reaaly big girl in ibiza... every1s done it at some point...also added a ginger (no offense to any1) chick to my hitlist a few months back... its all about variety :y: lol ..... luckily i have a stunning gf now though so its all made better :)

[Pat_Vts]

couldnt have been me,i don't wank,i own a brothel ;)

where is that brothel?

[Pat_Vts]

Yeh i pulled a reaaly big girl in ibiza... every1s done it at some point...also added a ginger (no offense to any1) chick to my hitlist a few weeks back... its all about variety :y: lol ..... luckily i have a stunning gf now though so its all made better :)

lol i didnt but nearly did

never going to do it tbh

[Furio_Rob]

nope lol, free and single and loving it, especially threesomes with me mate, well only had two but damn there good and proper funny

hmmmm, male friends? :homme:

Squirting girls ftw

As long as it IS piss

fixed ;)

[littleracer]

pmsfl,37 people viewing thread pmsfl

[Furio_Rob]

pmsfl,37 people viewing thread pmsfl

exactly what i was thinking :p
the most active thread on a forum used mainly by lads has to be about sex :hug:
how long before its 10 pages?
half an hour?

[VtsTom]

A friend of mine pulled a girl, took her outside, got a bit frisky, stuck his hands down her pants,"corr your well wet!". To which she replied "well what do you expect? you are my third tonight". The cunt carried on!! Sloppy 3rds ftl

[Danhunt]

Nothing wrong with a golden shower tbh.

[Predator_R32]

hmmmm, male friends? :homme:



fixed ;)

well yeah one male and a femal obviously, spit roast her for the win, they love it

[Furio_Rob]

A friend of mine pulled a girl, took her outside, got a bit frisky, stuck his hands down her pants,"corr your well wet!". To which she replied "well what do you expect? you are my third tonight". The cunt carried on!! Sloppy 3rds ftl

lol thats one of the funniest things i've ever read
im nearly crying lol

well yeah one male and a femal obviously, spit roast her for the win, they love it

i'll take your word for it mate ;)

[Danhunt]

Oh god i forgot my worst story, but i cant say it on here or ill go to prison :(

[VtsTom]

Spit roasts suck. I got excited and had bad aim - got a slap of him and hes never been the same with me. Its only spunk...

[Peejous]

Oh god i forgot my worst story, but i cant say it on here or ill go to prison :(

PM FTW :y:

[Pat_Vts]

A friend of mine pulled a girl, took her outside, got a bit frisky, stuck his hands down her pants,"corr your well wet!". To which she replied "well what do you expect? you are my third tonight". The cunt carried on!! Sloppy 3rds ftl

abit like a whore i know round my area but more sicker TRUE story

she sucked off a lad... he spunked in her mouth... she spat it out and banged him - porn style (whore)

then... she proceeded to another lad and snogged him, he thought it tasted funny but said nothing and they shagged

needless to say now shes got STD:n:and is infertile which is a shame but its pretty sick

whore...

[martinmac]

Oh god i forgot my worst story, but i cant say it on here or ill go to prison :(

hmmm now that you have said that though it doesnt really help your cause :p...

[littleracer]

if you didnt see it you neva will lol

[Pat_Vts]

PM FTW :y:

and post it up;)

[Peejous]

shes got STD and is infertile which is a shame

funniest part of that story.

[Pat_Vts]

if you didnt see it you neva will lol

i saw it...

[mrolinc]

Nothing that great for me, just the banjo and standard bleeding incidents.

My mate took this filthy bird up bourneville boulevard and had to leave since the stench was too much, and noticed some brown on his member.

Not good.

[VtsTom]

Another strange one.... how can lads cum and carry on fucking? I need at least 10 mins rest to stock up again. Otherwise i would have to thumb in a softy...

[Pat_Vts]

funniest part of that story.

lol... its true though...

:n:

theyre not her only conquests i would say in the region of 30 - 50 lads but who knows

[Oli_K]

Another strange one.... how can lads cum and carry on fucking? I need at least 10 mins rest to stock up again. Otherwise i would have to thumb in a softy...

drugs and alcohol my friend.

[Peejous]

Another strange one.... how can lads cum and carry on fucking? I need at least 10 mins rest to stock up again. Otherwise i would have to thumb in a softy...

10 minutes?! Your good :y:

I need a cup of tea, a sarnie, a little sleep and a quick game of CoD4 minimum 5 hours.

[Clouds_mate]

Guy at work (hes 19) Met a 'stunning lass' online got really hooked up with her.

Turns out she was a heshe and stil have a penis. no lie

[Furio_Rob]

Spit roasts suck. I got excited and had bad aim - got a slap of him and hes never been the same with me. Its only spunk...

lol mate
every single post you've made in this post deserves rep :y:

Another strange one.... how can lads cum and carry on fucking? I need at least 10 mins rest to stock up again. Otherwise i would have to thumb in a softy...

easy tbh
well not easy but i can sometimes carry on :boxing:
never the same but its possible

LOL 47 people viewing FTW

[Robb]

not making them cum.


x100000.

[littleracer]

i saw it...

you saw my weener?
when?
it was at bassy wen i was going a piss in the bush,you couldnt resist yourself lol.

dirty perv TBH

[Pat_Vts]

you saw my weener?
when?
it was at bassy wen i was going a piss in the bush,you couldnt resist yourself lol.

dirty perv TBH

na you showed me in your motor:P

[Furio_Rob]

you saw my weener?
when?
it was at bassy wen i was going a piss in the bush,you couldnt resist yourself lol.

dirty perv TBH

everyones seen yours tbh
slut! ;)

[Danhunt]

OK well i was at a party with some mates, getting a bit drunk, absynth ftw.
Anyway it was getting late about 2 or 3am and this girl started talking to me.

Obviously i was like great here we go, a chance to score. One thing led to another and i ended up ragging her in my car.

In the morning i woke up and saw her leaving really early so obviously i asked why etc, she said that she had to go home to revise.
At this point i was a bit disgusted that she was in school, so i told her jokingly that i never revised for my GCSE's and i did fine.

She turns round and say im not revising for my GCSE's im revising for my Key stage 3 sats.


Oh... Shit...

She had also shagged 2 other guys that night, and in my defence, she didnt look as young as she was.

*hangs head in shame*

[Steve]

my most embarrasing would probably be banging a girl i used to go to school with when she said she was going to cum i pulled out and she squirted all over me... it was only a bout half 11 and i had to go the rest of the party topless and my bed was piss wet through so people thought i had pissed myself at first was not good...

i can relate to that ahha :fcuk:

[Pat_Vts]

OK well i was at a party with some mates, getting a bit drunk, absynth ftw.
Anyway it was getting late about 2 or 3am and this girl started talking to me.

Obviously i was like great here we go, a chance to score. One thing led to another and i ended up ragging her in my car.

In the morning i woke up and saw her leaving really early so obviously i asked why etc, she said that she had to go home to revise.
At this point i was a bit disgusted that she was in school, so i told her jokingly that i never revised for my GCSE's and i did fine.

She turns round and say im not revising for my GCSE's im revising for my Key stage 3 sats.


Oh... Shit...

She had also shagged 2 other guys that night, and in my defence, she didnt look as young as she was.

*hangs head in shame*


cops on their way to yours now

[Furio_Rob]

OK well i was at a party with some mates, getting a bit drunk, absynth ftw.
Anyway it was getting late about 2 or 3am and this girl started talking to me.

Obviously i was like great here we go, a chance to score. One thing led to another and i ended up ragging her in my car.

In the morning i woke up and saw her leaving really early so obviously i asked why etc, she said that she had to go home to revise.
At this point i was a bit disgusted that she was in school, so i told her jokingly that i never revised for my GCSE's and i did fine.

She turns round and say im not revising for my GCSE's im revising for my Key stage 3 sats.


Oh... Shit...

She had also shagged 2 other guys that night, and in my defence, she didnt look as young as she was.

*hangs head in shame*

maybe she was just held back 10 years?
maybe?

[Clouds_mate]

OK well i was at a party with some mates, getting a bit drunk, absynth ftw.
Anyway it was getting late about 2 or 3am and this girl started talking to me.

Obviously i was like great here we go, a chance to score. One thing led to another and i ended up ragging her in my car.

In the morning i woke up and saw her leaving really early so obviously i asked why etc, she said that she had to go home to revise.
At this point i was a bit disgusted that she was in school, so i told her jokingly that i never revised for my GCSE's and i did fine.

She turns round and say im not revising for my GCSE's im revising for my Key stage 3 sats.


Oh... Shit...

She had also shagged 2 other guys that night, and in my defence, she didnt look as young as she was.

*hangs head in shame*


you had a car so guessing over 17.

Isnt keystage 3 stats like 11 year old?

pwahahahahahahahaha

[Peejous]

Key stage 3 sats.

What does that make her 12? Your a bad man.




EDIT: Have you got her number?

[littleracer]

Another strange one.... how can lads cum and carry on fucking? I need at least 10 mins rest to stock up again. Otherwise i would have to thumb in a softy...

same here dude,
i wee break to get a drink and wash yaself for round 2 lol.

cant believ how many people viewing the thread lol.

[ekfoxervts]

OK well i was at a party with some mates, getting a bit drunk, absynth ftw.
Anyway it was getting late about 2 or 3am and this girl started talking to me.

Obviously i was like great here we go, a chance to score. One thing led to another and i ended up ragging her in my car.

In the morning i woke up and saw her leaving really early so obviously i asked why etc, she said that she had to go home to revise.
At this point i was a bit disgusted that she was in school, so i told her jokingly that i never revised for my GCSE's and i did fine.

She turns round and say im not revising for my GCSE's im revising for my Key stage 3 sats.


Oh... Shit...

She had also shagged 2 other guys that night, and in my defence, she didnt look as young as she was.

*hangs head in shame*

repped:y:

[VtsTom]

This is gross but here goes.

A friend is a little over weight. Never had a kiss so is 100% virgin. Pulled a fellow chubby lady.

Got back to hers. Started getting jiggy with it. *he had to push her belly up out the way to get to her lady garden*

Apparently he was down there 5 seconds untill her parted her private bits and actualy vomited in his mouth from the smell. Tried swallowing it, it came back up but this time right out his mouth and all over muff.

Stinky fat ho

[AdamW]

OK well i was at a party with some mates, getting a bit drunk, absynth ftw.
Anyway it was getting late about 2 or 3am and this girl started talking to me.

Obviously i was like great here we go, a chance to score. One thing led to another and i ended up ragging her in my car.

In the morning i woke up and saw her leaving really early so obviously i asked why etc, she said that she had to go home to revise.
At this point i was a bit disgusted that she was in school, so i told her jokingly that i never revised for my GCSE's and i did fine.

She turns round and say im not revising for my GCSE's im revising for my Key stage 3 sats.


Oh... Shit...

She had also shagged 2 other guys that night, and in my defence, she didnt look as young as she was.

*hangs head in shame*

Forwarded to local constabluary

[Furio_Rob]

you had a car so guessing over 17.

Isnt keystage 3 stats like 11 year old?

pwahahahahahahahaha

key stage 3 is year 9 so its 13 lol

[Clouds_mate]

key stage 3 is year 9 so its 13 lol

meh was hoping for a real true peado.

Weak effort Dan.

[Furio_Rob]

you had a car so guessing over 17.

Isnt keystage 3 stats like 11 year old?

pwahahahahahahahaha

This is gross but here goes.

A friend is a little over weight. Never had a kiss so is 100% virgin. Pulled a fellow chubby lady.

Got back to hers. Started getting jiggy with it. *he had to push her belly up out the way to get to her lady garden*

Apparently he was down there 5 seconds untill her parted her private bits and actualy vomited in his mouth from the smell. Tried swallowing it, it came back up but this time right out his mouth and all over muff.

Stinky fat ho

fuck sake man thats sick :oops:

meh was hoping for a real true peado.

Weak effort Dan.

LMAO repped for that mate :D

[Pat_Vts]

13... her tits will be like paper bags tbh

[pjsaunders06]

went round some lasses house for a bit of fun, ends up i get there and her mum turns up :n:

so we went out for a walk and that hour later we get back to hers her mum still there, i started to get bored etc

finally her mother goes out, the bird i am with runs upstairs and then comes back down in just her underwear

i just look at her and says i am off now lol

left her there, never seen her since :y:

not had a embrassing moment yet really

[Graham]

This is gross but here goes.

A friend is a little over weight. Never had a kiss so is 100% virgin. Pulled a fellow chubby lady.

Got back to hers. Started getting jiggy with it. *he had to push her belly up out the way to get to her lady garden*

Apparently he was down there 5 seconds untill her parted her private bits and actualy vomited in his mouth from the smell. Tried swallowing it, it came back up but this time right out his mouth and all over muff.

Stinky fat ho

eurgh that is nasty!! :ill:

[Danhunt]

It was 14 actually

Anyway you cant prove a thing ;)

[littleracer]

na you showed me in your motor:P

yeah you wish bud,sure it wasnt my hot dog that was between my legs whilst i was driving,if it was me weener youd no it was mine lol.

[Robin91]

Girl I know who's in year 9 (13 y/o) has shagged 40+ boys, and in less than the space of a year (probably 6 months?).. How f*cked up is that! :panic:

[Peejous]

It was 14 actually

Anyway you cant prove a thing ;)

Dan, still awaiting answer to white text.... ^

[VtsTom]

Had to stay at my nans when i was 15. Wanking was a daily sport. Whack on the headphones to cd player, pull out a jazz rag and bash away. When i was finished turned around, theres my dinner and a cup of tea on the shelf behind my bed. My nan must have walked in and left it there...... bless her

[Furio_Rob]

13... her tits will be like paper bags tbh

erm, i dont think tits are existent at 13?

went round some lasses house for a bit of fun, ends up i get there and her mum turns up :n:

so we went out for a walk and that hour later we get back to hers her mum still there, i started to get bored etc

finally her mother goes out, the bird i am with runs upstairs and then comes back down in just her underwear

i just look at her and says i am off now lol

left her there, never seen her since :y:

not had a embrassing moment yet really

why would you do that?

[Pat_Vts]

yeah you wish bud,sure it wasnt my hot dog that was between my legs whilst i was driving,if it was me weener youd no it was mine lol.

lol u never hav hot dogs always macdonalds tbh:y:

owned

[Danhunt]

Haha fat fucker are ace, get the talcon powder out :y:

[sax_o_milley]

Had to stay at my nans when i was 15. Wanking was a daily sport. Whack on the headphones to cd player, pull out a jazz rag and bash away. When i was finished turned around, theres my dinner and a cup of tea on the shelf behind my bed. My nan must have walked in and left it there...... bless her

fooking quality lol

[pjsaunders06]

Girl I know who's in year 9 (13 y/o) has shagged 40+ boys, and in less than the space of a year (probably 6 months?).. How f*cked up is that! :panic:

Bet it feels worse when you shagged her too...

did she tell you that you were her only one ;)

[Clouds_mate]

Had to stay at my nans when i was 15. Wanking was a daily sport. Whack on the headphones to cd player, pull out a jazz rag and bash away. When i was finished turned around, theres my dinner and a cup of tea on the shelf behind my bed. My nan must have walked in and left it there...... bless her

Old old joke.

Now i dont believe any of your storys lol. No faith.

[Furio_Rob]

Haha fat fucker are ace, get the talcon powder out :y:

LOL repped
haha this thread rocks, 50+ viewing :D

[Mitchell]

another guys semen dribbling down my ball sack during a 3some

and i liked it.

[VtsTom]

went round some lasses house for a bit of fun, ends up i get there and her mum turns up :n:

so we went out for a walk and that hour later we get back to hers her mum still there, i started to get bored etc

finally her mother goes out, the bird i am with runs upstairs and then comes back down in just her underwear

i just look at her and says i am off now lol

left her there, never seen her since :y:

not had a embrassing moment yet really

Batty???

[Robin91]

Bet it feels worse when you shagged her too...

did she tell you that you were her only one ;)

Haha naww havn't and wouldn't, she's probably got a brand new STi named after her.

[Oli_K]

went round some lasses house for a bit of fun, ends up i get there and her mum turns up :n:

so we went out for a walk and that hour later we get back to hers her mum still there, i started to get bored etc

finally her mother goes out, the bird i am with runs upstairs and then comes back down in just her underwear

i just look at her and says i am off now lol

left her there, never seen her since :y:

not had a embrassing moment yet really

thats just stupid, cud of stayed 20 mins done the deed then gone, forget spending all that time waiting for her to go to then just fuck it off... :n:

[Amiee]

Haha.. funny thread! Boss is creasing at all ur replies! 52 members viewing.. x5 from Amiees comp loL!

[ekfoxervts]

Haha fat fucker are ace, get the talcon powder out :y:

find the wet patch haha brilliant mate:P

[Danhunt]

Peej, her parents didnt think she was old enough or mature enough to own a phone

[Furio_Rob]

another guys semen dribbling down my ball sack during a 3some

and i liked it.

get out!

[Steve]

Bet it feels worse when you shagged her too...

did she tell you that you were her only one ;)

told him she was still a virgin.

I always i.d a girl before fucking her, if she doesnt have any i still let them suck me off :A:

[pjsaunders06]

thats just stupid, cud of stayed 20 mins done the deed then gone, forget spending all that time waiting for her to go to then just fuck it off... :n:

couldnt be bothered tbh lol waited so long went somewhere else instead ;)

[VtsTom]

Haha.. funny thread! Boss is creasing at all ur replies! 52 members viewing.. x5 from Amiees comp loL!

Whats yours then?

We are yet to hear from a female

[Furio_Rob]

i wish i wasnt so young :(
havent had any funny experiences yet

[Steve]

another guys semen dribbling down my ball sack during a 3some

and i liked it.

sick fuck

[littleracer]

went round some lasses house for a bit of fun, ends up i get there and her mum turns up :n:

so we went out for a walk and that hour later we get back to hers her mum still there, i started to get bored etc

finally her mother goes out, the bird i am with runs upstairs and then comes back down in just her underwear

i just look at her and says i am off now lol

left her there, never seen her since :y:

not had a embrassing moment yet really

knew you was a faggot TBH

[JimoVTR]

LOADS!!!

1. Fingering a bird in foreplay - (had been biting my nails) - and she bled. I felt ill, she wanted to carry on
2. Fat bird on the way home - shagged her, she had a kid :wall:

Best ever - doggy style, came out "slipped" went into the brown, never seen someone jump so much. "Oh, James, you bastard" and she ran to the bathroom
haha

[Furio_Rob]

knew you was a faggot TBH

lol ah man this thread has me in stiches :D

[pjsaunders06]

knew you was a faggot TBH

so what tbh.....

i should have stayed there tbh, but i had better things to do ;)

[Danhunt]

this thread is making me wet.

back in 10...

[Furio_Rob]

LOADS!!!

1. Fingering a bird in foreplay - (had been biting my nails) - and she bled. I felt ill, she wanted to carry on
2. Fat bird on the way home - shagged her, she had a kid :wall:

Best ever - doggy style, came out "slipped" went into the brown, never seen someone jump so much. "Oh, James, you bastard" and she ran to the bathroom
haha

lol good one
its not really an embarassing story as such but i got my lass pregnant
first time i slept with her, she hadnt been expecting it so she wasnt on the pill and i couldnt be arsed to get a jonny so we just did it anyway
6 months later she goes to the hospital and now we got a son coming in august
i win?

[sax_o_milley]

never seen a thread grow so quick haha

[Graham]

LOADS!!!

1. Fingering a bird in foreplay - (had been biting my nails) - and she bled. I felt ill, she wanted to carry on
2. Fat bird on the way home - shagged her, she had a kid :wall:

Best ever - doggy style, came out "slipped" went into the brown, never seen someone jump so much. "Oh, James, you bastard" and she ran to the bathroom
haha

yeah im sure you "slipped" :P

[Furio_Rob]

never seen a thread grow so quick haha

its growing quicker then that STD that Steve_VTS has :p

[saxodan]

left a condom on ex's bathroom floow which her dad found..

farted during sex haha, major anti climax

after a very heavy night and a certain substance.. it was rather shirvelled, and didnt rise to the occasion

and thats the three times ive had sex

[VtsTom]

A "friend" was doing his missus doggy style. He openly admits to liking his stink bridge being tickled during sex. She slipped. He liked it. They carried on. She dumped him because she now thinks he a bender. Bless

[littleracer]

so what tbh.....

i should have stayed there tbh, but i had better things to do ;)

was yo BF waiting for you,on the blower lol.

[matt_vtr_15]

my most embarrasing sexual experience is just getting caught at work wanking to peejous's avatar..

i just got told it was a woman with her hand on a computer mouse OMG :zainy:

[Robin91]

Haha oh and my mate, his bird was giving him head, she burped on his c*ck, so he farted in her face.. Then when she finished went on the xbox. Pwnd tbh!

[Clouds_mate]

Another true story.

A mate of mine has slept with over 100+ people.

Before he started uni he was in the 80s and said he wanted to be in the 100 by the end of freshers.

Hes banging this bird from behind up the rear. One final pump before he sprays. She screams and passes out falling from her knees to the floor. He gets dressed and runs ouat the house thinking hes killed her lol.

[stevenet15]

i have loads of embarrassing storys most of which i have allready posted up on here in simular threads to this, but here is one that i havent told yet, about 3 years ago me and a few mates went to amsterdam, it was a right laff one of the nights we got hammered in one of the bars and then went on to see some of the finer things on offer in amsterdam. 3 of us went into this brothel which was all windy corridoors/passageways, paul picked his girl first and disapeared down one of the passagewasy to a room with his chosen beauty, next i chose one and off i went and thirdly neil buggered off with one. Anyways about 40mins later i came out and neil was there waiting asked him if paul was out yet and he wasnt so we waited and waited and another 40min past we asked if out mate was ok they said yes he is enjoying himself and another 25min passes so all in all he had nearly been in there 2 hours, me and neil were worried something was wrong or they were lying to us so we barged past them down the passageway to the room, knocked the door open to be greated with...... a vision of paul naked on all fours with a red ball in his mouth strapped with leather round his face, his body was all red and marked up with slap marks, there were 2 girls standing next to him one with a spanking device and the other one had some type of scissors, paul coudlnt even say anyhting as he was gagged so me and neil turn and left him to it. later that day we agreed to paul that we wouldnt tell anyone, well anyone that knows him so its ok telling u lot. he also said he had never done stuff liek that before the girls just started it and he was playing along lol

[littleracer]

A "friend" was doing his missus doggy style. He openly admits to liking his stink bridge being tickled during sex. She slipped. He liked it. They carried on. She dumped him because she now thinks he a bender. Bless

but if thats the bridge then isnt it bi sexual as hes half way between each,bi curiouse lol

[pjsaunders06]

was yo BF waiting for you,on the blower lol.

yes my boyfriend :S

lol nah a different and better looking slag tbh

[littleracer]

yes my boyfriend :S

lol nah a different and better looking slag tbh

good on ya lol.

bet she felt like a writte slut though when ya left lol.

[Peejous]

Quality story Steve :y:

EDIT: Pics or your lying...... (only messing)

[sax_o_milley]

i have loads of embarrassing storys most of which i have allready posted up on here in simular threads to this, but here is one that i havent told yet, about 3 years ago me and a few mates went to amsterdam, it was a right laff one of the nights we got hammered in one of the bars and then went on to see some of the finer things on offer in amsterdam. 3 of us went into this brothel which was all windy corridoors/passageways, paul picked his girl first and disapeared down one of the passagewasy to a room with his chosen beauty, next i chose one and off i went and thirdly neil buggered off with one. Anyways about 40mins later i came out and neil was there waiting asked him if paul was out yet and he wasnt so we waited and waited and another 40min past we asked if out mate was ok they said yes he is enjoying himself and another 25min passes so all in all he had nearly been in there 2 hours, me and neil were worried something was wrong or they were lying to us so we barged past them down the passageway to the room, knocked the door open to be greated with...... a vision of paul naked on all fours with a red ball in his mouth strapped with leather round his face, his body was all red and marked up with slap marks, there were 2 girls standing next to him one with a spanking device and the other one had some type of scissors, paul coudlnt even say anyhting as he was gagged so me and neil turn and left him to it. later that day we agreed to paul that we wouldnt tell anyone, well anyone that knows him so its ok telling u lot. he also said he had never done stuff liek that before the girls just started it and he was playing along lol


the best 1 yet i think i just pissed myself haha

[VtsTom]

Another true story.

A mate of mine has slept with over 100+ people.

Before he started uni he was in the 80s and said he wanted to be in the 100 by the end of freshers.

Hes banging this bird from behind up the rear. One final pump before he sprays. She screams and passes out falling from her knees to the floor. He gets dressed and runs ouat the house thinking hes killed her lol.

Lol death by porkage

[shooorn94]

never seen a thread grow so quick haha

you clearly were not here when we had the dreaded earthquake. :panic:

[stevenet15]

talking of all this has anyone been caught having a danger wank or a risky wank

Danger wank: Start wanking in your room and then shout down to your mum to come up, you have to finish before she gets there or she'll catch you

Risky wank: Wanking in bed while ur partner is asleep trying not to wake them

[djawesome123]

lol good one
its not really an embarassing story as such but i got my lass pregnant
first time i slept with her, she hadnt been expecting it so she wasnt on the pill and i couldnt be arsed to get a jonny so we just did it anyway
6 months later she goes to the hospital and now we got a son coming in august
i win?

No I win :panic: I already have one

Besides you shouldnt have been so naive (or lazy):homme:

Mate of mine was banging his missus on the floor and without realising her head had moved under the desk. Needless to say when they finished she went to sit up and smacked her head on the desk. She got concussion from it as well and had to go to hospital, imagine trying to explain that one

[sax_o_milley]

you clearly were not here when we had the dreaded earthquake. :panic:

that was shite this is quality

[Rogz]

ive had a few storys.... the worsts 1ns are probably the 1ns wen u get a mr floppy due to drink or drugs...

i think my most embarassing 1 was when i was banging the ex for the first time and i pulled out for the money shot... but eneded up cumming in my own fucking eye... uber pain :S

[Peejous]

Been caught with a risky wank, not so good with the danger wank yet.

[Rogz]

we shud start a 1 with wat wings do u have, ive got my brown wings, red wings, im in the mile high (blow job) the elevator club, pool club, moose club, london bridge club, salute club and thats it i think :P

[Danhunt]

talking of all this has anyone been caught having a danger wank or a risky wank

Danger wank: Start wanking in your room and then shout down to your mum to come up, you have to finish before she gets there or she'll catch you

Risky wank: Wanking in bed while ur partner is asleep trying not to wake them

HAhahaha thats goto be the funniest thing ive read in this thread so far!

Danger wank ftw!

[littleracer]

talking of all this has anyone been caught having a danger wank or a risky wank

Danger wank: Start wanking in your room and then shout down to your mum to come up, you have to finish before she gets there or she'll catch you

Risky wank: Wanking in bed while ur partner is asleep trying not to wake them

i was doing me shizz in me room once,me dad come up the stairs and i had to turn dvd off,get me boxers on,then get me trousers on,needed trousers as you could see my angel delights through me boxers

[stevenet15]

my mate james was fucking his misses up the arse and suddenly she started having a fit (she suffers from epileptic fits), her muscles were all spasiming james said it felt great her arse kept clenching against his cock with the spasims lol he wanted to carry on but it would have been tight so he stopped and called a ambulance, when they got there they asked james what they were doing when the fit was triggered !!!

[Peejous]

i was doing me shizz in me room once,me dad come up the stairs and i had to turn dvd off,get me boxers on,then get me trousers on,needed trousers as you could see my angel delights through me boxers

Davina McCalls?

[SaxoAlex]

My first sexual experience was probably my most embarrasing, it was with my first proper girlfriend, anyway i was at hers on the bed, started kissing etc etc, she took her top off, ended up with her tossing me off. Well, this being my first time i got a little 'over excited' and blew my load after not long and it was very unexpected so she had no warning. However the worst part was that i shot her in the hair and face. She was shocked and ran out of the room disgusted with me!

Lets just say I had a bit of a 'dry period' with her after that night lol.

[littleracer]

Davina McCalls?

nah i don't like her TBH lol

[Peejous]

nah i don't like her TBH lol

Do you understand what i mean? (http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/davina_mccalls_1)

[Tupps]

My mam caught the dog licking peanut butter off my balls

[Robin91]

My mam caught the dog licking peanut butter off my balls

Die.




.

[SaxoAlex]

My mam caught the dog licking peanut butter off my balls

U are fucking weird lol :wacko:

[littleracer]

:homme::homme:Do you understand what i mean? (http://www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk/slang/davina_mccalls_1)

in that case yes lol.

im blonde today lol.:homme:

[Doyle]

Die.




.

fabulous answer.

[littleracer]

wish i was a dog TBH.
when we had our gold lab i caught it giving ITSELF a fucking blowjob,lucky fukka TBH.

[Tupps]

Then i found out the dog had a nut allergy, and died

[pjsaunders06]

:homme::homme:

in that case yes lol.

im blonde today lol.:homme:

shouldnt wear thongs for underwear bud how many times do i have to tell you...

[Ryan]

had to stop nailing a lass at uni because I was smashed and whenever I got up any pace my bed was making more noise than my car when it dropped a cylinder. I just kept bursting out laughing as the noise was so bad.

Or was fucking a lass and a mate was downstairs could hear him doing a running commentary everytime bed moved or she groaned. Was funny as fuck but quite off putting. When I'd finished the cunt ran in to see me lying on her bed in her pink dressing gown with a can of 1664 on hand

[Robin91]

shouldnt wear thongs for underwear bud how many times do i have to tell you...

What should you wear them for then? Shoes?

[littleracer]

shouldnt wear thongs for underwear bud how many times do i have to tell you...

i like it when the stringing bit goes up me crack and you pull it out slowly and it tickles. :A:

[jodie_saxo]

wish i was a dog TBH.
when we had our gold lab i caught it giving ITSELF a fucking blowjob,lucky fukka TBH.

you wish you were a dog?!
lmao quite worrying after the peanut butter thing!
you have something you want to share?!

[Doyle]

my mate james was fucking his misses up the arse and suddenly she started having a fit (she suffers from epileptic fits), her muscles were all spasiming james said it felt great her arse kept clenching against his cock with the spasims lol he wanted to carry on but it would have been tight so he stopped and called a ambulance, when they got there they asked james what they were doing when the fit was triggered !!!

and what was his answer....? :p

[matt_vtr_15]

you wish you were a dog?!
lmao quite worrying after the peanut butter thing!
you have something you want to share?!

he wants to be a dog so he has an excuse of licking peanut butter off tupps balls tbh!!

[littleracer]

you wish you were a dog?!
lmao quite worrying after the peanut butter thing!
you have something you want to share?!

no i dont like peanut butter,but i wish i could suck me own balls LIKE my dog lol.
il share anything with you hun ;).

[jodie_saxo]

he wants to be a dog so he has an excuse of licking peanut butter off tupps balls tbh!!

well thats what i thought he meant, didn't expect him to be quite so open about it though!

[littleracer]

he wants to be a dog so he has an excuse of licking peanut butter off tupps balls tbh!!

i dont like peanut butter,and i wudnt suck sum1 elses balls TBH just me own lol.
if i was absolutly desperate that is lol.

[Tupps]

Fine, don't suck my balls then :(

[littleracer]

Fine, don't suck my balls then :(

you know the rule,you suck i recieve lol

[Pat_Vts]

whos more repsonisble for STD males/females?

i think its females as i hear stories more about females having them than males..

[littleracer]

well thats what i thought he meant, didn't expect him to be quite so open about it though!

your going off topic pmafl,you got to tell your worst experience sexually lol.not about my gender,;) lol.

lets hear from some so called girls,women,lesbos etc etc

[Tupps]

I have the full set

[littleracer]

whos more repsonisble for STD males/females?

i think its females as i hear stories more about females having them than males..

yeah its fem fault bc most of them r '''''.:P

[djawesome123]

Agree with littleracer. We need to hear from the ladies..... This thread is way too one sided atm

[littleracer]

I have the full set

il trade you a dog for a two lesbo's,one lesbo on there own aint much good is it?

[Barry123]

Oh shit forgot... said 'whos your daddy?!' to my ex when we were having pissed makelove time. couldn't see the problem until a mate explained to me if she'd turned around and said 'who's your mummy'...

turn off most definitely.

I put heat rub on my cock when i was about 14... wasn't quite the experience I'd hoped for :err:

[Danhunt]

Oh shit forgot... said 'whos your daddy?!' to my ex when we were having pissed makelove time. couldn't see the problem until a mate explained to me if she'd turned around and said 'who's your mummy'...

turn off most definitely.

I put heat rub on my cock when i was about 14... wasn't quite the experience I'd hoped for :err:

Deep heat, oh dear. I did it for a dare one, went so itchy!

Also did anyone ever try that jelly type viagra, i remember when i was in year 9 me and a few mates used it one day. it was a "tuck it up into your waisteband" job all day

[Tupps]

Sayer your a virgin, stop making stories up

[jodie_saxo]

your going off topic pmafl,you got to tell your worst experience sexually lol.not about my gender,;) lol.

lets hear from some so called girls,women,lesbos etc etc

i would love to share! but i can't think of anything embaressing! lmao! sorry!

[Pat_Vts]

i would love to share! but i can't think of anything embaressing! lmao! sorry!

i smell bullshit;)

[littleracer]

i smell bullshit;)

i agree with ya,women just aint as good as this sorta thing TBH.
prob wouldnt be funny if they tried lol.;)

[JimoVTR]

Had a girl once, fugly as the devil, she was hairy in her regions, but that wasnt all, armpits stubbly, and hairy legs.

Was like o shit, what do i do, so i shagged her, then called her mum about 3am to pick her up.
I was outside in my boxers waving them off. ha

[Oli_K]

I was outside in my boxers waving them off. ha


i expect you in leeds asap to clean up the coffee from my keyboard.:boxing:

[littleracer]

Had a girl once, fugly as the devil, she was hairy in her regions, but that wasnt all, armpits stubbly, and hairy legs.

Was like o shit, what do i do, so i shagged her, then called her mum about 3am to pick her up.
I was outside in my boxers waving them off. ha

class geezer,shuda called the dad tho and told him to make sure hes daughter shaved lol

[ekfoxervts]

class geezer,shuda called the dad tho and told him to make sure hes daughter shaved lol

lol:y:

[immense]

Viper dicking sheep/cats/dogs.. (anything with a hole) has to be the most embarrasing sexual experience from a member of Sax-p?

Mine on the other hand would be drunk sex, didn't enjoy it at all.

[littleracer]

Viper dicking sheep/cats/dogs.. (anything with a hole) has to be the most embarrasing sexual experience from a member of Sax-p?

Mine on the other hand would be drunk sex, didn't enjoy it at all.

yeah viper69 iirc.

[Ryan]

also forgot ex gf. Giving some sucky sucky on her first day at uni. Gagged and caughed it/ spewed all over the balcony in the communal living area when running from room. Everyone looks up to see the slut naked running and me in the doorway to attention with a big smile LOL. She never lived it down

[xclairex]

erm ill start the ladies off it would have to be sex in the sax just finished and getting dressed still in the back saw headlights hurried to try and get my clothes on it was only a police car lol knickers stuck round the handbrake :panic:, the policeman got out of the car looked through the window waved got in the car and drove off, it was a close call like :P

[smiith]

mum walkin in when i was hard at it and drunk, and the coveres wer on the floor, was good times

[wallsy]

hahaha, some proper funny stories in this thread!

Haven't really had any embarising moments tbh, only one slight one was when i met this girl at a party, went back to hers, it ended up with her on top, and while she was working her magic she slipped out and landed on my member... i thought she broke it and yelped like a little girl! lol.

It didn't break btw. ;)

[xOliviax]

Im keeping mi lips sealed haha :P

[MK2SLAG]

ive never had sex.....

and had an embarassing moment:D

[Ryan]

Im keeping mi lips sealed haha :P

There's a rude reply somewhere there

[Amiee]

Im keeping mi lips sealed haha :P

Wise idea lol

[Pat_Vts]

Im keeping mi lips sealed haha :P

unseal them now...

[Pat_Vts]

Wise idea lol

and you unseal yours:P

[djflipsaxo]

you want a ladies story? well for me it must be when your having great sex, going for ages, and the guy cums, cleans himself up, turns over....... and leaves you to it!!!!

(sorry i have taken over the computer again lol, phils working lol)

nice to know what guys say behing womens backs tho, lol

funny as hell!!! (i catch phil telling stories, id kill him)

[wallsy]

There's a rude reply somewhere there

haha exactly what i was thinking... dirty minds.

[MK2SLAG]

me and a mate were gona go 2s up on a bird,went n knocked on her door,mum answered,told 1 of us can go shag her and the other 1 can stay downstairs,i went upstairs,my mate lasted 10mins of waiting and the mum walked in half naked offering him sex,he came screaming through shouted at me to GTF out,we both ran far away lol

[Peejous]

me and a mate were gona go 2s up on a bird,went n knocked on her door,mum answered,told 1 of us can go shag her and the other 1 can stay downstairs,i went upstairs,my mate lasted 10mins of waiting and the mum walked in half naked offering him sex,he came screaming through shouted at me to GTF out,we both ran far away lol

I dont understand this story. It makes no sense.

[xOliviax]

haha exactly what i was thinking... dirty minds.

u lot av got the dirty minds im innocent :innocent:

[Ryan]

u lot av got the dirty minds im innocent :innocent:


People have said that before. I soon turned them LOL

[wallsy]

u lot av got the dirty minds im innocent :innocent:

haha sure. :p We cant help having dirty minds, were guys! :zainy:

[Pat_Vts]

mate... i know for a fact shes horny 99.9% of the time...

[MK2SLAG]

I dont understand this story. It makes no sense.

mother and daughter were slags,were both going to have a shot of the daughter,the mum answered and said only 1 at a time,fly bitch wanted 1 of us to shag her 2 (didnt realise at the time) lool

[Pat_Vts]

mother and daughter were slags,were both going to have a shot of the daughter,the mum answered and said only 1 at a time,fly bitch wanted 1 of us to shag her 2 (didnt realise at the time) lool

whats their numbers? pm me it;)

[xOliviax]

mate... i know for a fact shes horny 99.9% of the time...

:fcuk:lmao where you find that out?

[Danr]

Wasn't really embarrasing for me,

Went to bang a bird a few months ago at my mates uni, She was tighter than a baby. I gave up and just left.

[AdamW]

I would of nailed the mum.....no questions asked

[joemcevoy]

I remember once being on on the razz with sum of my mates my girl and my mates girl. we stayed at my mates house as his parents were away. Me and my girl in one bed, my mate and his girl in the other and my other 2 mates in the other bed. My mate is a sex addict and he was going add it like fuck at the same time i was going at my own girl. The two fellas in the other room said all you could hear was bang from one room then bang from another room one after the other and it sounded halerious. Although the guy in the next room was banging like there was no tomorow even i had to stop and laugh at one point

[Pat_Vts]

:fcuk:lmao where you find that out?

you texted me it the other night when you were in bed:)

[Pat_Vts]

I would of nailed the mum.....no questions asked

dependent on body mass tbh

[MK2SLAG]

I would of nailed the mum.....no questions asked

she makes me cringe tbh

[Cal]

Just the usual ketchupy sausage for me...

[AdamW]

Recently I have been lasting 30 seconds max.......

Tried biting her neck to take my mind off it......doesnt work....she is gonna leave me soon guranteed

[AdamW]

Just the usual ketchupy sausage for me...

Spare Rib Dick......I feel ya brother...


Lay down some towels

[MK2SLAG]

dependent on body mass tbh

so excessive it could bring up a whole weeks worth of dinner looking at her saggy tits

[xOliviax]

you texted me it the other night when you were in bed:)

lies all lies :p

[VtsTom]

Recently I have been lasting 30 seconds max.......

Tried biting her neck to take my mind off it......doesnt work....she is gonna leave me soon guranteed

Think of planes. Works for me.

[Peejous]

Recently I have been lasting 30 seconds max.......

Tried biting her neck to take my mind off it......doesnt work....she is gonna leave me soon guranteed

Try concentrating on random stuff. Believe it or not I actually think about how I die in CoD4, and start thinking:
If i'd've just looked around the corner before running out i would've been fine, next time ill try that ..."is that good for you baby"... I think ill lay a claymore next to that car that way it'll also blow up the car and possibly kill more than one person ... "mmm yeah i like that"...

Bet you 5 whole pounds you last more than 10 minutes!

[Cal]

Premature ejecualtion is NOT a mans problem.........


Its a womans problem ;)

[AdamW]

Think of planes. Works for me.

I now have a video feature on my iPhone which records for 10 seconds...in this time I can get a begining middle and an end.....which rocks...

Lasting 10 minutes would just mean I get the first screen shot of my penis going in...

Hard decision

[VtsTom]

I dont believe in premature ejeculation. If i cum, its RIGHT on time. As far as im concerned i cant cum fast enough. Im sick of getting it in the neck for it. "Tom, how could you cum?"..... "well..... i was fucking. What was you trying to do? Cum? Yea well i beat you! You gotta work on your time baby, im pushing 1.20" Dont get mad at me because i have different goals in sex. Im a speed fucker.

Dave Chapelle rules

[Peejous]

I dont believe in premature ejeculation. If i cum, its RIGHT on time. As far as im concerned i cant cum fast enough. Im sick of getting it in the neck for it. "Tom, how could you cum?"..... "well..... i was fucking. What was you trying to do? Cum? Yea well i beat you! You gotta work on your time baby, im pushing 1.20" Dont get mad at me because i have different goals in sex. Im a speed fucker.

Dave Chapelle rules

I dont remember Chapelle sayng most of that, only the bit in red. Youtube link or your lying...

[VtsTom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3iT5PupBhM

[Peejous]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q3iT5PupBhM

Yeah just searched it, fair enough :y:

"...it's like the olympics, and now for the dismount." lol

He's a legend..... back on topic now.

[liam_b]

:fcuk:lmao where you find that out?

hes right tho ;)

[xOliviax]

hes right tho ;)

Dont go tellin everyone and ur keepin ur mouth shut too haha

[matt_vtr_15]

also forgot ex gf. Giving some sucky sucky on her first day at uni. Gagged and caughed it/ spewed all over the balcony in the communal living area when running from room. Everyone looks up to see the slut naked running and me in the doorway to attention with a big smile LOL. She never lived it down

cheesy?

lol oj mate

[liam_b]

Dont go tellin everyone and ur keepin ur mouth shut too haha

not even the time when u.......

think i should stop there if i wanna keep my balls aye?:p

[xOliviax]

dont u mean the time wen u.. yeh i think you should as i got more on u

[matt_vtr_15]

threads like this get ruined when they go offcourse with flirting imo :geek:

[liam_b]

dont u mean the time wen u.. yeh i think you should as i got more on u

haha dnt think so (well hope not)
:panic::boxing:

[Mikey]

ive not had sex yet...or been near a girl

does getting caught wanking count?

[liam_b]

threads like this get ruined when they go offcourse with flirting imo :geek:

blame xbeaux for that

[Mikey]

blame xbeaux for that

shes replying to...but pm'ing me ;);)

lol

[matt_vtr_15]

ive not had sex yet...or been near a girl

does getting caught wanking count?

yeah that can count just for you mate :)

shall we purposefully get ourselves in an embarrasing situation together so we can post it up on here?

im not gay just trying to make mikey feel loved