Quote:
Originally Posted by JackCopley
some one copy the ad in to here i cant get on ebay im at work lol
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WOW Where do I start??? Oh, yes the price is negotiable but no silly offers please, ie no offers that don't start with a 2, have less than 4 digits or any decimal points! :o)
You are looking at a one-off, unique, ultimate pulling machine in dog-vomit green as my elderly neighbour's wife commented yesterday. She is really lovely, (my neighbour's wife not this heap of SH*t), she invited me round for morning coffee when I got out of hospital, I must take her up on her offer! ...it's disgusting she went further...her delightful husband also commented on its dog-vomit colour. I replied that when their half alien/half road kill dog vomited in the same colour as my car (including the house of kolor gold flake) then they were to call me at once - I wanted to see!
Ok, I needed to grow up and get a proper car (I'm 38 and female), so I invested in a Scooby which crosses all the i's and dots the t's (or the other way round!) so I need to get rid of this piece of SH*t. The guy who owned this wheelie-bin before me lowered the front of it by nearly a metre and the back by nearly 2 metres! I didn't believe him but it is so low that you can mow the lawn with it (if you have a lawn and some grass - I only have the grass!) and in Winter it makes a great snow plough! Unfortunately where I live there are speed bumps, but my darling boyf has put a magic button on the dash which raises the bumper 12" to get over those sleeping policemen with ease, or does it open the boot? I can never remember... and why are the rozzers always sleeping, lazy b'stards!
The bad ass wheels are 18", that's right EIGHTEEN F'CKIN INCHES on a dog-vomit Paxo? Who-ever did this needs their head examining. (no not that head, oh never mind!) On a good day you can turn this thing on a Space Shuttle launch-pad on a bad day.....well let's not go there. If you like the sound of scraping arches at every turn then you will LOVE this little baby. If you look in the mirror at the right time you can see the dog-vomit paint dust scraped from the wheel arches blowing in the wind propelled by the exhaust of this little baby's jet engine. Yes that's right, this car has a REAL jet engine, the bhp was pushing 10,000 horses last time I guessed so you can brag to all your mates, no-one will have as many horses as you! WELL DONE 'claps'. To help with the insurance I suggest you tell them it has a standard engine - no-one will ever know!
There is more to come.....some numbskull thought it would be a bright idea to hide the door locks and handles! I have no idea where they are, I am still looking for them. After jemmying the door open the first time I drove this beauty, I now leave the drivers door wedged open with a beer can so I can get back in after a good night on the ale....it actually works really well coz when I wake up I got a can of Special Brew for me brekkie. In case you ever close the door with the keys in, I always keep a spare jemmy strapped under the boot. It doubles up as a useful piece a' kit for smashing into some geezer's joint when you need to sell some more swag to keep up your crack habit. (I don't do crack, crack is for pussies).
I hope you got a loud music system to put into this baby, you will need it to cover the sound of all the rattles coming from the inside of this car not to mention the noise of the jet engine! The Saxo interior is made of cheap plastic and bits of it fall off nearly every minute. I did once go 3 minutes with no bits falling off, but I might have been at the traffic lights I can't remember! Anyway, I keep a couple of spare Saxos in ma garage to use for replacement bits when they drop off. The hand brake is a special two-handed type. You need two hands to press in tha knob on top and release the brake at the same time. I once managed to take off the brake just using one hand and my left t*t. You might not have as big t*ts as me, so assume you will need both hands for the job!
The gorgeous custom job doesn't just stop at the outside....no, this baby has been ruined on the inside as well! Gone is the perfectly acceptable and sensible Citroen steering wheel with its air bag. It would probably have saved your life if you rolled this baby 72 times up a bank while travelling with yer mates at 200mph down the M5 on the way to a party. No, instead you have a small irregularly shaped Sparco steering wheel with no air bag and a matching gearknob. The dials have been changed, they are now white and none of the needles make sense anymore. This is great cos when you get stopped for doing 200mph you can tell the cops that your speedo is only reading 70mph and they will let you go! The standard front seats have been replaced by buckets (great if you have had 25 too many lagers, all your sick will pool around yer ass) and the normal seat belts replaced with harnesses to keep you so tightly strapped in you can barely breathe let alone reach the gear knob or steering wheel! If you have more than one brain cell you might be able to work out how to adjust the harnesses, I didn't manage to.
To further aid you with your driving, the rear windscreen wiper has been removed but replaced instead with a pretty custom made Citroen emblem that my 2 year old Trixie designed at nursery. Trixie made the emblem out of bourbon biscuits but assures me that vomit will keep the biscuits in place (they have so far). Also there is a large black sun visor at the top of the windscreen and a single wiper parked down the middle. I wanted to totally obscure the view but the MOT Centre pointed out that if I did then a) I wouldn't be able to get an MOT certificate and b) I wouldn't be able to see anything. I agreed that a) would be a problem but the fact i wouldn't be able to see anything was immaterial, Stacy ma mate could lean out of the passenger window and give me directions. Unfortunately to get ma car thro tha MOT I needed to remove most of tha blacked out windscreen and left just a little bit at the top. Fortunately the name of the company who did the hideous job on ma car is still visible. (Just in case you want to get your car turned into a pile of SH*t too). I think I have covered most things about ma car now, I will add a full list below so you can be certain what you are buying.
This car comes with 12 months MOT (valid until 5th January 2013) and 6 months tax until 30 June 2012. A list of the mods is given below. Please get an insurance quote BEFORE you ring me and discuss a viewing or sale. If you are 17 with 11 points you just might not be able to afford the insurance!
Mods consist of:
Full respray in lime green with house of Kolor gold flake
Fully smoothed and blended arches and skirts
Ultimate Velocity Front and Rear Bumpers
Smoothed Bonnet
Custom Bonnet Vents
Custom Citroen C2 grille cutout
Fully de-locked and de-handled
Boot solenoid switch on dashboard
Morette gloss black headlights
Prism smoked rear lenses
Smoothed bootlid with custom Citroen emblem
High level Ecosse rear spoiler
Single Wiper Conversion
Rear Wiper removed
M6 Gloss black mirrors with indicators
Induction kit
Stainless Ram Hardpipe
Custom Stainless Steel Exhaust
Mania 18" Gloss Black Alloy wheels and low profile tyres
Lowered 80mm at front on custom springs and uprated shocks
Lowered 110mm at rear on VTS axle with uprated shocks
Custom painted cream dashboard
Custom painted doorcards
Rear seats retrimmed in cream leather
Front bucket seats
Sparco Harnesses
Sparco Steering Wheel
Sparco Gear Knob
Sparco Hand Brake
This is a CASH only sale and the car is ready to drive away after cash has been received. Thanks and good luck! The following video shows the car in all its glory by its previous owner. Please note that the car is now MOT'd until January 5th 2013 and taxed until 30th June 2012.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rHHt...layer_embedded
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